missing my Angel

[p1nk11]

Christmas has been so hard i should of been enjoying my first christmas with my daughter , as a proper family, but instead i've had to think about all the things we would of been doing. I never got to buy her presents or put her little stocking next to her basket while she slept. Its supposed to be a happy time but its been so difficult. Friends have been posting on FB pics of their little ones opening prezzies & dressed in christmas outfits, it makes me so angry that i will never get to see my daughter open her presents or do anything with her. Why do they get to have the happy family christmas - dont i deserve that to? i'm not a bad person i love my daughter more than anything but she was still taken away from us. My little girl should be 6weeks old today. I think about her every second of the day & would do anything to get to hold her in my arms again. All i wanted for christmas this year was for my baby to be here to spend it with us. Nothing matters to me anymore - my little fairy has gone to heaven & i'll never get her back.


Really sorry to be so negative but just really needed to rant to get some things out my head.

Happy Christmas Ava, Mummy & Daddy love you so much. Your always in our hearts & our thoughts xxx

 

[Mummy2Adam]

Massive thinking of you and your OH x x


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[Laura_C]

Aww lovely, I feel exactly the same about Ethan - he should be here or at least still growing in my tummy until January. Feel so robbed and my little girl is confused that she will now not be having a little brother. It's so hard to explain to a 3 year old. I am very privaliged to have my daughter, feel a though she is our miracle baby after this. I honestly would never take that for granted after what we have been through. It annoys me that people do though. I always think that I would do anything to be sleep deprived and have my little man here, I would do or give anything. I have had to be strong over Christmas for my daughters sake, I needed her to have a wonderful time as she has been through all of this too and in her own way grieving for the brother she never got to meet in the 2 days he was here.

I pray that we will get our time again and soon enough you will have your perfect little family at Christmas and all year round! It will take time but it will happen xxxxx

 

[JJ Mum]

I really feel for you hun, and for Laura C - this must be such a difficult time for both of you and your familys right now - XX JJ

 

[p1nk11]

I'm really finding it hard to cope at the mo I cant stop crying & have taken to my bed, i cant find a reason to get up in the morning i just lay there thinking about my angel. My OH is trying so hard to try to take my mind of things but all i seem to do is snap at him which makes me feel worse coz he's lost her to! I have to go to the dr's next wk for my 6 wk post baby check - which seems silly as i dont have my baby but i know they need to make sure my c section site has healed ok. I also have to see my midwife so she can discharge me, im not looking forward to this as it will bring a definate end to my pregnancy/baby. That sounds like a strange thing to say but once she's discharged me everything from my pregnancy will be gone - it should of been done 3 wks ago but she decided to wait longer as i'm so upset. I couldnt of asked for a better midwife. I still have another 6 wks to wait before getting the results of the post-mortem & i'm worried about it found.

Theres so many different thoughts going around my head & i cant get away from them. I dont know how deal with everything - I thought i was coping but its getting too much now.

 

[Piglet10]

ive only just read this, im in tears, tbh hun i knew you had lost but as i havent been on the forum as much i didnt realise and ditn want to start questioning!! *hugs* for you and im really sorry, hope things r looking up for you xxx

 

[p1nk11]

still finding it so hard,its been 12wks now but it still feels like it was last wk x thank you x