Ditching the dummy diary

[lisa282]

Eden has had a dummy now since she was about 6 weeks old. I hate the thing and vowed she would never have one, but hey, it has served its purpose Anyway, she is now coming up 5 and a half months and I dont want her having it forever. Also she has become almost dependant on it lately, and where it used to be for sleep time only, it has now become an extension of her mouth Anytime she moans in the day either my OH or son will pop it in her mouth without a second thought, despite me saying since the start it was for sleep time only, and Im certainly not taking it off her when she has already got it All hell would let loose!!

Well I have recently posted about her sleep issues, waking several times in the night, and also sporadic feeding, and I believe a good part of the problem is the dummy. Its not the full story, but its certainly not helping. If anything, it is hindering any progress I do make with her on trying to implement changes. So Ive been saying for about 3 weeks now that I was gonna get rid of it, but finally today I have begun

I just wanna leave this here, so I can track the progress a little, and hopefully come back for inspiration if it all goes tits up!

I havent yet been brave enough to bin the dummies, but as of this morning, I have removed them from play so nobody can access them I have done my research, and read up loads of ways to help with the removal, so I feel revved up and ready to go! 8) So this morning, she woke up pretty happy and I felt confident it was a good day to start. Also the fact it is the weekend is a bonus, as OH doesnt have to be up for work and my son doesnt have to be up for nursery, so a disrupted night wont be so worrying

Our first test came this morning, when it was time for her nap at 9.30 She has always gone to sleep on her own, without the need for me to feed/rock/cuddle her, BUT she has had the dummy and would frantically suck on it until she drifted off to sleep. So needless to say, this first nap was a real test. She cried and cried, but I stayed with her, ssshhhing and patting her. She did get really upset a couple of times so I picked her up until she was calm then put her down again, and continued to sshhh and stroke her. I have to admit it was difficult, I almost gave up, but after 40 minutes of almost constant crying, she went to sleep

She slept as usual for about an hour, which surprised me, as I thought she might wake unsettled a little. We continued our day as normal, then round 2 came with her afternoon nap Again, we went through the same thing, I stayed with her, sshhhing and stroking her, while she cried, but it was much easier than the first nap, and she was asleep within 10 minutes She usually sleeps for about 2 hours here, but woke up after an hour, so we had to go through it all again to re-settle her to sleep. It only took about 5 minutes though, and she was much easier to calm, then she had another hours sleep

We cheated a little with her catnap at 5pm, as I nipped to the shops, so she slept in the car However, come bedtime tonight, we managed again without the dummy She put up a good fight, crying and squirming for probably 15 minutes or so, but in the end, drifted off fairly easily with me just sshhing her and not having to pick her up All in all, I think it has been a triumphant day, and I am very impressed with our progress Not only the fact she has managed without it, but more so that I have been strong enough to resist giving in to her, as that is what has always let me down when I have half-heartedly attempted it before. So a big pat on the back I think

Even more impressive though, is the fact she is still asleep For the past few weeks she has persistently been waking every hour or 2 for the first few hours after being put to bed. Generally she would go down at 7, be up at 8, 9,10 until I fed her at about 11. But tonight she went down about 7.30 and is still asleep now at 11pm! WOOOO!!! Im expecting her up for a feed soon, so will post an update tomorrow on the remainder of the nights progress. Fingers crossed the rest of the night continues in this vein

Anyone else ditching the dummy? Wish me luck girls! x

 

[rusks]

good luck hun luke is nearly 2 and i haven't the heart to do it yet, he only has it at night and he is at an age now where i want him to be able to understand why im taking it away so gonna bite the bullet and do it in the next 6 months

 

[lisa282]

Good luck hun! It may be slightly easier for you to ditch it, as he is older so can reason with why its being taken away, especially if you reward for good behaviour without the dummy Then again, it could be worse because he will be more attached to it? Think positive I say!

Ok, so a little update on our progress...

Last night after going to sleep at 7.30, Eden slept undisturbed till midnight! I fed her and she went back to sleep until 3.30, then another feed and slept till 6.45 this morning! I cant tell you how happy I am, to have 2 good chunks of sleep rather than an hour snatched here and there, I feel like a different person today

Having said that though, this morning has been somewhat of a test to say the least Eden woke at 6.45 so we got up and started the day. Everything was going swimmingly until it came to naptime. I put her down just after 9am, as she was showing the signs, but we had a real battle with her. She cried incessantly until 10.45 when she finally gave in and passed out...then woke up after only 10 minutes I think tbh I left her a little too long to put down to sleep, so she got overtired and grumpy, and just would not settle. No amount of ssshhing, stroking, patting or PU/PD worked, she just cried and cried, but it was a real tired, laboured cry. I felt so bad for her and was getting REALLY frustrated to the point of almost grabbing the dummy, but I saw it through to the end and finally success!! It was so hard to stand over her while she cried, and I had to leave the room a couple of times to compose myself, but I was determined not to give in after we made it through the first 24 hours unscathed So after a marathon 1 hour and 45 minutes of crying, she drifted off to sleep, but then woke about 10 minutes later

Since then we have continued our day as normal, fed at 11 and then play for a bit. Because she missed so much sleep this morning she was shattered by 12.30, so I put her to bed and she drifted off to sleep without much fuss at all, in about 5 minutes I feel thoroughly exhausted after our battle of wills this morning, but optimistic that it needed to be done and hopefully will lead us in the right direction now. She is sleeping soundly now, and hopefully will have a couple of hours. We've now made it through the first 36 hours without the dummy, so hopefully it can only get better from here. It has been tough, I wont deny, but Im so glad I stuck to my guns, or else I would still be sat here moaning about how I need to get rid of the damn dummy!! Plus her restfulness last night just proves that she is capable of sleeping well, and that the dummy was probably causing more problems than it was solving The only way is up now!

 

[flowergirl]

As the Baby Whisperer says- if you cave in and give the dummy again you have made your poor baby cry for x amount of time for no reason whatsoever. Well done you for sticking to your plan and seeing it through- I'm certainly watching with interest as I want to ditch the dummy at 1 year(ish) although this is also when I'm stopping breastfeeding and I don;t want to traumatise the poor girl!

Keep us posted and well done you!

Enjoy your

 

[lisa282]

Update for day 3!

Things are going really well now, and its almost as if we never had a dummy I am still having to stay with Eden while she settles to sleep at the moment, but the time I spend doing this is getting less and less. I think she now realises the dummy has gone and has learnt to sleep without it, although during the day I am having to try so much harder to keep her occupied. She is a spirited little soul and gets bored easily, so where before with the dummy she would give me 20 minutes or so if I needed to do something, now she has to be with me and talked to or else she will just cry! I dont mind this though tbh, its certainly preferable to get some sleep at night and have to entertain her during the day rather than vise versa!

So the last 2 days have gone really well After I posted the other day, Eden slept for 2 hours during the afternoon and then slept from 7 till 12, feed, then slept again till 3.30, feed and up at 7 Not bad at all, and its looking like this is going to be our pattern for now until she can manage without one of the night feeds. Yesterday also went well, and she slept from 7 last night until 11.30, then up at 3 and again at 6.30 I have to say though, I have noticed that she isnt taking much at the 3/4 o clock feed during the night, so hopefully will work on cutting this out at some point a few weeks down the line when our routine is well and truly established without the dummy. She has naturally started feeding better during the day, much less fussing and bobbing on/off the boob, and is suckling well for 10-15 minutes, so Im guessing the dummy was acting as kind of a substitute for the boob at certain times of the day

We have been out today, so I was expecting a disruption to our flow, but actually things have been fine I have tried to keep to the times we set over the past couple of days though in regards to her feeds and naps, and although we were in a different place and not sleeping in her cot, she was happy to sleep when I made it clear it was time I was expecting a bit of a battle at bedtime tonight, seeing as she hadnt slept in her cot at all today for naps, but we had no trouble whatsoever. If anything, she probably drifted off a little quicker!

At the moment, I still have the dummies in the house, but as of tomorrow now we are through the hardest bit, I am going to throw them away!! I am so pleased and proud to have got through these first days without caving in, and I have no intention now of letting things slip I am glad I timed this when I did, Im not sure I would have been so confident to do it when she was younger and so reliant on the dummy, but then Im glad I didnt leave it any longer either. Things could be so much worse if I had allowed her to get more attached to it by having it for longer. Im sure the war is not over yet, and we will have some days where I might have to battle with her and things will regress from where we are now, but NO WAY am I going back to giving her a dummy!

Gonna continue to update for a bit yet, to see if things change/improve from where we are now. Will be so much easier to track our progress with it all written in black and white. A few weeks down the line, it all might look rosy but could just as easily turn around again, so I want to remind myself of what we have ben through and how hard we have worked to gain this end. And hopefully I might be able to inspire someone else who is having a similar dilemma! x

 

[louxlouxbellex]

congrats, you & Eden have done fab! Please can you come to my house & help Charlie get rid of his dummy! Its such a double edged sword having a dummy, it soothes him which is great but its so annoying when it falls out I will think about getting rid of it soon as, like you I would rather he gets himself to sleep, I'm dreading it though

 

[lisa282]

Wasnt going to update today, but we had a great night last night so I just wanna share! Eden went to bed at 7.30 and slept until 11.30 when I fed her. She settled back to sleep easily by herself, and slept until 6.30 this morning! So without even trying, we cut out the 3/4am feed It may have been a fluke, so Im not counting my chickens just yet, but nevertheless I was over the moon this morning when I looked at my watch expecting it to be about 3.30 and it said 6.30

Had a really good day today too, she has settled for her naps so easily within 5 minutes, with me just sitting by her cot sshhhing her and no patting/stroking Hopefully if we can continue this for a few days, then gonna try and cut out the sshhing too, so I just sit by her but silently. Then eventually a couple of weeks down the line if all goes to plan, I will start to move further away from the cot while she settles so that she can begin to do it herself without needing me there at all

I am so pleased with our progress, and cant believe how long I put up with the silly problems relating to the dummy, when I could have just got rid of them weeks ago Oh well, it can only get better from here x

 

[KERRYGOLD00]

Deleted

 

[cez8457]

well done lisa282.

You should be really proud of yourself. Edens doing great. Kyla still has her dummy at shes 21 months she mostly has it at night so its not worring me too much at the moment wish i had got rid of it tho when she was alot younger. Think i am going to have to leave it until she can understand why i am taking it away from her.

Well done tho your doing fab

 

[lisa282]

I tried ditching the dummy last night after reading your thread. Poppy only takes hers during the day & for naps. She goes to bed at night without one, always has done, but for the past 6 weeks or so, she was wakening during the night. We thought she was hungry but she wasn't so we (made a big mistake!) gave her a dummy & she was asleep in seconds.

She wakens about 3am has her dummy & goes straight back to sleep until about 630am when we have to pop the dummy back in

Anyway! Last night she woke at 0340 & cried so I went in & shushed her & to cut a very long story short, she screamed the house down until well after 5am, when she finally fell asleep & then she woke again at 6am. I was wrecked by this stage so I caved in (which I know I shouldn't have ) & gave her the dummy. She was soo grumpy today because of the lack of sleep & I really wish I had ditched the dummy when she was alot younger.

You've done really well with Eden, I really hope it continues. Keep us posted!

Im certainly no expert, but I hope you dont mind me commenting on this If you are serious about giving it up, then I would try first with her daytime naps, when it is not so much of an issue if a sleep is missed or delayed etc. Im not sure I would have been so successful with our dummy withdrawal if I had tried it straight away at night Having said that though, your caving in and giving the dummy after she did manage to sleep by herself, has probably undone all the work you did to get to that stage I know how hard it is, believe me, our situation had reached a point where it was critical for me to get rid of the dummy, and my post may make it sound all rosy and a success story, but I certainly didnt feel positive about it on the first day when she cried and cried for her dummy

But definitely here, the key to success is persistance and continuity. Once you make the decision to cross that line and remove the dummy, it needs to be final. Your daughter needs to know you are serious about it, and that there is no going back. Undoubtedly there will be a battle of wills, and you do have to be stubborn and pig-headed about things, and just be consistent. Yes, it is extremely hard to hear her cry, especially if you are sitting right next to her like I did, and it may mean a night or two of disrupted sleep and frustration, but in the long run, it will be so worth it! We have only been doing it since friday, its now tuesday, but already there is a marked improvement in her behaviour/sleep/feeding/temperament, almost everything tbh I have no regrets about doing it, and only wish I had done it earlier Would also def try starting this at the weekend, or over a holiday or something when the disruption wont affect your lives so much as on regular day. I wouldnt have dared to try it if OH hadnt been home too and not needing to sleep for work

xxx

 

[KERRYGOLD00]

Deleted

 

[lisa282]

I know exactly what you mean, I was torn about whether to do it or not as well At the end of the day, it comes down to whether you are happy to continue as you are at the moment, or are the bad habits starting to outweigh the benefits iykwim? I think if Eden had been sleeping and feeding well, I probably would have stuck with the dummy for the time being, but I knew it was that disrupting her when she would wake for it in the night, so it had to go!! I would definitely say if you intend to try again to ditch it, then plan to stay at home for a few days without any outings or visitors if possible, so you can be as strict as can be and really enforce it. Like you say, being away from home or out in public, you will always get other peoples input or opinions whether you ask for them or not and they are very rarely helpful. They just make you feel small and helpless in my experience You need to be in an environment where you feel comfortable and in control of it, without any outside interference. It can be done, have faith!! Having said that, your daughter is considerably older than mine, so how an older baby would adapt to changes is totally different. My eldest never had a dummy, so I never had this issue with him, but Im glad I didnt leave it any later with Eden. Whatever you decide hun, good luck with it! Im sure it will go when the time is right for both of you x

 

[KERRYGOLD00]

Deleted

 

[lisa282]

Havent updated for a couple of days, but we have now thrown the dummies away! I am so pleased and proud of our progress, there is absolutely no way I will offer a dummy again! Things are going so well for us, I really wish I had had the balls to do this weeks ago when I first wanted to, and not kept caving in because I was tired/frustrated etc

So for the last 5 nights now, Eden has gone to bed awake without a dummy or any kind of comforter/blanket/teddy etc For the first 2 nights, she was sleeping on average 4 hours at a time before waking, at which time I would feed her. This generally meant going to bed at 7-ish, feed at 11, feed at 3, up at 7. But now for the past 3 nights things have improved again, to the point of only waking once! She has gone to bed at 7, then woke to be fed around 11, but then will sleep until 6/7am!! Clearly this is a huge improvement in her habits, and can only be related to the removal of the dummy, as everything else has remained the same. She has now learnt to settle herself when waking in the night, and doesnt need boob to feed her to sleep anymore I had suspected for a while that the 3am feed was just for comfort rather than actual sustenance, but attempting to cut it out would have meant a whole load of disruption for all of us, so Im glad she has done it by herself. However, it has only been 3 days so Im sure there will be more bad nights ahead yet, and am fully expecting to get up twice in the night for a while yet - that way it is a bonus when she only wakes once!

Since ditching the dummy, it has also resulted in a little more of a routine for us, rather than taking things as they come. Where before I would be led by her, and fed her when she seemed to want it, even if it was just for comfort for 2 minutes, now she has dictated a kind of 4-hour routine all by herself. So far it seems to be going like this -

7am - wake up, full breastfeed
7.30 - wash, dress, play, take my son to nursery for 9am
9.30 - sleep, about an hour
11am - full breastfeed
11.30 - play, walk to fetch my son at midday, sometimes a small breastfeed about 12.30
1pm -sleep, about 2 hours
3pm - full breastfeed
3.30 - play
5pm - small snack breastfeed
6pm - bath, dress, story
6.45 - full breastfeed
7pm - bed, usually asleep within 5 minutes
11pm - full breastfeed, straight back to sleep

I think it is looking pretty good now She is also REALLY interested in food now, and will snatch it from your hand if given the opportunity, so will begin weaning in a couple of weeks. She has had a couple of tastes, when she has taken food from us, but I am not actively offering it to her at the moment. But I dont think I will have any problems with food with her, she has happily sucked, chewed and swallowed big lumps of banana, bread and carrot already without any problems, and is always eager to try. If anything, it will be me being more cautious and holding food back from her Im just hoping the weaning process wont set us back in this great progress we have made with her sleeping Will keep you posted! x

 

[lisa282]

Not much to update as things are still going really well for us, but I just wanted to keep this blog up to date We seem to be settled on the routine that Eden has dictated for herself, as described further up the page, and it is working out great for us. Some nights she will sleep from 11/12 to about 6 in the morning, other nights she will be up at 3, but either way is still a huge improvement for me after being up every 1-2 hours for the past few weeks before we got rid of the dummy Not sure I could have coped much longer with the lack of sleep, but now at least 2 nights a week we seem to get 6 hours straight sleep

Her feeding has also improved no end, and she is now suckling constantly for 10-15 minutes at each feed, without all the fussing, and as a result is having full feeds and going a good 4 hours in between. A marked improvement from a couple of weeks ago when she would bob on and off the boob for 20 minutes then still be rooting an hour or more later as she hadnt filled up properly

All in all, she is a different baby and as a result, we have a happy mummy! Its so much easier for me to read her signals now, and I can tell whats wrong when she cries, rather than before she would be over-tired, niggly, and hungry but also nothing would settle her. We became far too reliant on the dummy as a quick fix for almost everything, when in fact it became a problem in its own right I never wanted to give her a dummy in the first place, and how I wish I had stuck to my guns then and not caved in But nevertheless, we have now conquered it, go us!!

Next step, weaning......

 

[lisa282]

Just a little update from the weekend....Eden has slept 7 till 7 both saturday and sunday night!!! It may be a fluke so fully expecting her to wake at least once each night, but fingers crossed this is the beginnings of a 12 hour sleeper WOOOO!!!