feel like the ugliest woman in the world...

[hayley]

My husband has made me feel like the uglist woman on the plant... i feel bad for even coming on here and talking about our relationship.. he is a very private person! but i feel like i'm going crazy.. and just need some advice. I'm at the stage of thinking is it just me!!! amazing how men can make you feel like that. I'll explain a little....

Since Jacob has been born we've hardly touched each other... He says i show him no affection - which is probably right! but he makes me feel so ugly. He had never said "well done" for loosing almost all of my baby weight. I used to feel adored... now i feel he just tolerates me. I've told him this and i got no response! I feel like everything i do irritates him... he has a negative comment about everything i do. I probably even breath wrong! I openly asked him if i annoy him - he replyed "yes"... but then jokes!!!! Today I opened up and told him how i feel. I am almost back to my pre pregnancy weight however my shape is now different! My chest is a little bigger (which is nice!) although my back is now a 36 (before i was a 34) and i'm now a DD. My hips are a little wider too. I still have quite a bit of loose skin on my stomach which i feel looks horrible. I had a C section so i now have quite a red scar too... so you could say i'm feeling a bit down about my stomach! I explained to him that my body has changed so much and that i've lost quite a bit of confidence... I told him he never tells me i look nice or that i've done well to loose my baby weight! and that this makes me feel like he doesn't like my post pregnancy body! I wasn't expecting him to tell me i look like a bloody super model but i was expecting some reaction.... he just turned towards the telly and laughed at an advert! I got up and went to have a shower! I felt like the uglist person ever!!!! can he be the most insensitve man in the world or just plain stupid? he then follows me into the bathroom and tries to get into the shower with me!!!!! i would have loved this any other time but now!!! there hasn't been any affection between us in weeks and now he tries it on in the shower after insulting me.... so confussed! I have just told him we need a serious talk! I tolkd him we have a big problem... and he looks shocked! saying "i don't think we have a problem" and then asks what did he do to upset me earlier on.... I know men are from mars but bloody hell.... this one has no idea!!!

He probably thinks it's my baby hormones! and that i'm over reacting! what can i do to make him understand how i feel? and why do i feel like this is all my fault?

Thanks for listening. Any advice is appreciated.

x

 

[Strangeness]

Hun as they say a baby will make or break a relationship and if you don't sort things out it can end in the latter. Do you think he is possibly feeling a bit left out? Men can be so funny when a baby is born because they no longer get the attention they have always had. He probably doesn't mean to make you feel ugly or unloved he's just being a child about it. Men especially on a first baby have no idea how to handle all it's about. It's only now that my husband has come round to the idea we have a baby! He's always helped me out but I always felt like it was a chore for him to look after our son but now he loves being a daddy so much and he's always playin with him. Do you include your partner in things with the baby? I remember I just used to think it was easier to do things myself so just got on with it and left my hubby out of it. Is he good with the baby?

I know how horrible you can feel after having a baby and you have done so well to get back to pre pregnancy weight in only a couple of months especially after a c section! I had a c section too and it took months for me but I still have the loose belly. Hun you are doing fab and I bet you look fantastic! The first few months are the hardest especially on your relationship. Just sit him down, tell him how you feel and maybe he will open up about things too. I really hope you can work it out hun

 

[hayley]

He is really good with the baby.. he works so i don't expect him to do too much! but he helps with feeds etc... He has mentioned that i do everythng for Jacob and nothing for him any more! which i thought was very childish. I made the mistake of doing everything for him when we first moved in together... Sometime's i feel why should i do things for him or with him when he shows me no affection. I know it's a vicious circle...

I think i'm going to write him a letter so he can read it in his own time and hopefully take in what i'm saying. He needs things spelling out! i've tried giving him a hint of how i feel but it goes over his head.

Thanks for your reply.
x

 

[Strangeness]

He'll only know how you feel when you spell it out for him, so a letter would be better mqaybe if you can't say it to him. I'm always dropping hints to my hubby and sometimes he just doesn't get it, it's only when I say look for god's sake he realises! I do know what you mean when you feel you shouldn't do anything for him when he's being like the way he is. Have you had any time as a couple since the baby was born? The hardest thing is learning to balance your relationship and being a mum. It will come hun it's hard work but it will work out.

 

[mummykay]

theres no excuse for him being so unaffectionate, uv just given him a beautiful little boy which gave ur body a battering while carrying him so of course uv changed bodywise!!

i made it clear to my OH from the word go that i wanted more attention from him with my changing bodyshape, i also pointed out to him how grateful he should be for his healthy son lol!!

i hope u feel better hayley, uv just done an amazin thing with bringin little Jacob into the world so hold ur head high and enjoy ur little man!