From Poppy Seed to Piglet

[Piglet's Mama]

I have finally found 5 mins to start my newest journal - my parenting journal. The word parent in association with myself is a bit mental but yes, it's true - I am a Mummy! It feels like only yesterday I was writing about TTC and I can't believe I have put to bed my pregnancy journal... oh my!

So Brooke is now 2 weeks and 2 days old and she is a dream! We are very blessed, she's a great baby and I am totally in love with every single inch of her. I won't lie, the first two weeks of her life have not gone as entirely as I had hoped; I fell and dislocated my knee the day after we brought her home - luckily it popped straight back in and I got away with minimal damage. Al's family well and truly fucked us off during her first few days which was the last thing we needed so they have all been told to get lost unless they can learn to respect that we're doing things with Brooke, the way we want. And lastly I got admitted back into hospital when she was 12 days old with left breast mastitis. Had to spend two days on a drip of anti-biotics, getting my boobs poked and prodded and eventually I've been referred for a mammogram next Monday to see if I have an abscess. This whole saga has meant that I've had to make the agonising decision to knock breastfeeding on the head. This has been a really tough decision to make. I had been expressing all her feeds since my milk came in and I was feeling really smug as she was getting my milk but from a bottle so I knew exactly how much she was getting, plus Al & I could share her feeds. It was the all expressing though that caused the mastitis so I can't really even use the pump as I'm now a bit scared too. So despite me nursing her for 2 days since coming home, my boobs just do not seem to satisfy her; she is on and off both boobs for two hours at each feed but comes off screaming because she is still hungry and I am ending up topping her up with 3-4oz of formula which is the majority of her bloody feed anyway. I am so gutted and feel really guilty; I so desperately wanted to feed her but I know deep down it's just not meant to be with Brooke. She loves the bottle and takes formula just fine so I need to stop beating myself up about this now and move on.

So, aside from my boobie drama everything else is really good. We are very blessed as Brooke is such a good baby. As long as she is well fed she sleeps like a dream or during her awake time she is more than happy to lie in my v-shape pillow or her play mat and have a good wriggle. She is also very vocal, asleep and awake. She was asleep in my arms earlier when I was on the phone to my Mum and Mum could hear her cooing away - I think she was trying to join in the conversation She is also very nosey! Even when she was a couple of days old she'd be bopping her head up & down trying to see what is going on! If we lay her down sometimes she starts getting in a paddy because she wants to be sat up having a look around! Deffo her Mother's daughter Brooke also loves cuddles which is lovely as Mummy also LOVES cuddles! She may also get in a tizz simply because she wants a fuss - her Dad can't seem to understand that she deffo gets that from him! All in all she is bloody perfect and now I have to start thinking about what is best for her and not just what I want for my own reasons, like today she is a bit constipated because I think she has picked up some of my ******* anti-biotics from me nursing her Thursday & Friday. I need to think of her dinky tummy and give her everything she wants, which is often a big fat bottle

So that's all for now, lots of Mummy love xxx

 

[Lulu_Laroo]

You poor thing, I've heard mastitis is extremely painful (and I imagine a disloacted knee is, too!)
I am also feeling terrible guilt over not being able to breastfeed, but like Brooke, Poppy LOVES her bottles and I can see that formula feeding is so much better for both of us. We'd both end up distressed and crying every time I tried to breastfeed. Don't beat yourself up about it, like you say Brooke is a dream and very happy with a bottle, and I think a happy baby definitely means she's healthy and getting everything she needs (most importantly, lots of mummy cuddles!) xx

 

[Piglet's Mama]

You poor thing, I've heard mastitis is extremely painful (and I imagine a disloacted knee is, too!)
I am also feeling terrible guilt over not being able to breastfeed, but like Brooke, Poppy LOVES her bottles and I can see that formula feeding is so much better for both of us. We'd both end up distressed and crying every time I tried to breastfeed. Don't beat yourself up about it, like you say Brooke is a dream and very happy with a bottle, and I think a happy baby definitely means she's healthy and getting everything she needs (most importantly, lots of mummy cuddles!) xx

It wasn't too painful, it was more the flu-like symptoms that went with it; I had a very high temperature and my body was so achy. I felt exhausted. The day I went into hospital I could barely even look at Brooke, let alone take care of her. Thank god for my fabby hubby who did everything that day.

I had my breast check up today and got the all clear Didn't even have to have the mammogram as after the examination the doctor concluded it had all cleared up, hurrah! So I can put that to bed now too Am feeling a lot better about the bottle feeding too, I can see how content she is with her feeding so I can't really get myself upset about it. I'm putting that to bed also and not thinking about it anymore!

Al went back to work today so Brooke and I went it alone - well my Mum came round to come to my appt and help out so I didn't really feel alone. We had a lovely morning just the two of us, feeding and cuddling and Brooke slept (for a change). She really is so good, I just love that my life is now all about her and making sure she is happy and has everything she wants and needs. I don't know what I did before she was here as nothing makes me happier then she does. Al says that I don't stop smiling and he's right. I am the happiest I have ever been and I feel like I've got my sparkle and confidence back, like everything I do I want to make her proud and not let her down. I can't put in to words how much she has changed me entirely for the better

We have a busy week this week. Mum is coming back tomorrow to sit with Brooke for an hour while I whizz round and try and make the house a bit more sanitary Then we're going to go and see my Nan then pop to Asda for a few bits. Wednesday - I'm taking Brooke to Daddy's work so he can show her off; she's going in her Elmo outfit at his request Then in the afternoon Sarah is coming to meet Brooke Thursday we've got the HV in the day & in the evening one of Al's school friends is coming over. And then by Friday I think we'll be ready to just chill out all day cuddling & fussing

Right, I'm going to try and get an hour or two's kip before Piglet wakes. She had her last feed at 9.30ish so I'm not too sure when she'll wake; she's a bit unpredictable some evenings and last night she wanted to eat at 1.00am, 2.30am, 4.00am and then 6.30am - hoping she just wakes once tonight but she's slept loads today so I'm not sure...

Night all x

 

[Piglet's Mama]

Tired doesn't really cover it For some bizarre reason Brooke has started to want to eat every 2 hours in the night, only in the night though which is weird, in the day she'll have her normal 3-4oz every 3 hours no problem. Wondering if it's just a picky phase or a growth spurt that she wants to eat so regularly...

I think Brooke tried to laugh last night, she was smiling away (wind no doubt) but then she was making all these noises to go with her smile and it deffo sounded like a mini laugh!

Right she's fussing again now, no doubt hungry even though she ate an hour ago... Must dash, she's getting dressed as Elmo to meet Daddy's work colleagues today x

 

[Piglet's Mama]

Well I think Brooke is going through a hungry & fussy phase, it's like she doesn't know what she wants! Also if I try to put her down she seems to wake up whinging and not settle unless she has a couple of sucks on her bottle
Girls eh?

 

[Piglet's Mama]

What a day! Brooke continues to be a bit fussy over her feeds and has had another day today where she has picked at an 1oz or 2oz every 1-hour/1.5 hours which means she is only lightly sleeping then waking up in a right tizz. Hope she sleeps tonight as I don't know if I have the energy to get up & feed her that often in the night! Little tinker! She is still trying very hard to hold her head up, especially if she can she the lights from the TV - it's very cute

She has really started to smile properly today as well, we've had loads of windy smiles from her since she was a few days old but today we had lots of smiles that looked like the real deal; she looks so beautiful. Al said she is starting to look loads like me which I love as so far everyone has said she looks like Al!

We're going to get Brooke registered tomorrow so she'll be official! And then the health visitor is coming back on Thursday to weigh her as she hasn't been weighed since she was 11 days and she'll be 4 weeks on Thursday - it's gone so quick! She was 8lb at 11 days so I reckon she's at least 9lb now, little piglet!

Right off to get little piggy's bath ready, then get her all tucked up and hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight! X

 

[KellyHook]

What did Brooke weigh in the end! i got Charlie weighed today and he was 9lb 6.5oz.. i was so shocked!! lol xx

 

[Piglet's Mama]

The same - 9lb 6oz, little piglet xx

 

[Piglet's Mama]

It is proving totally impossible to keep this journal up to date - well in the way that I want to anyway, i.e. lots of long ramblings about feeding and fighting sleep and dummies so I haven't really bothered writing all that much. I will try harder. Honest. But it's blimming hard work trying to get 2 mins to do anything that isn't sterilising bottles, measuring out formula, putting away babygro's, washing babygro's etc This Mummy lark is a full-time job and full-time means exactly that. My day starts at 7am, finishes about 11.00pm, then starts again about 4am... and that cycle continues 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and, I'm not ashamed to admit, it is tough. A friend of mine told me when I was expecting Brooke, that the first few weeks are pretty easy, then it gets to 6 weeks and it all gets a bit crazy. She was so right. For the first 4 weeks Brooke only fussed when she was hungry, we thought we were the luckiest parents in the world. Bring on week 5. This is when Brooke discovered she could:

1. Scream
2. Scream and she'd get attention

She also decided to give me a heart attack when one night she decided she wouldn't stop screaming at all. I actually called my Mum to come round as I thought we'd broken her! Turns out we were dealing with a little known saga called "fighting sleep" and we continued to deal with that one for about 5 days.

When she got to 6 weeks we thought it would be a good time to start the infamous routine. This was partly to do with Brooke fighting her sleep in the day; she wouldn't settle for naps and it would then get to dinner time through to about 8pm and she would be fussing and crying and whinging and getting in a right old state. Poor Daddy would come home from work to be greeted with Brooke screaming in his face. So the solution: structure day time naps so she's well rested enough for bedtime (who would have thought that she would need sleep in the day to make her refreshed for sleep in the night...! I'm learning every day!) And to be fair to the little girl, she's not bad at the routine. She actually sleeps again in the day now, hurrah!

Which brings me to week 7 (of which we are only 2 days in) and this weeks delight is - SUCKING. Ahem.
Out of nowhere Brooke has found the urge to suck. I have never given her a dummy as I'm a total snob about them (and she's actually never needed one to be fair). My Mum has instilled the snobbery in me though as apparently my brother & I didn't have them and she always bangs on about kids teeth who have dummies, etc blah blah. My Mum will tell you though that she didn't get any sleep with me until I was three. Hmmmm, maybe if you'd given the dummy a go Mummy you'd have got some kip.

So I noticed on Thursday that Brooke was shoving her hands in her gob quite a bit and also attempting to suck her fingers/thumb. My hubby was a finger sucker and he tells me that he always had this urge to bite down as a kid so subsequently spent most of the time with his fingers in his mouth. He had to have a brace though so I'm not really up for the finger sucking (again, I'm a snob). But Brooke seemed to be really rooting to suck; when I was holding her, her head was turning towards my breast and her mouth was really making the movements of having a good old suck. I'd offer her the bottle thinking she was hungry but that would get even more wound up and fractious so I knew she didn't need to be fed.

I have one dummy that came with my steriliser and out of curiosity I thought I'd pop it in and see. And my word, she loves the thing. She calmed down straight away and actually looked rather cute with this little plastic disc moving up and down in her teeny tiny mouth. And last night after trying to settle her for over an hour and watching her root around, I relented and gave it to her again. I then popped her back in her cot, swaddled her up nice and tight and she settled herself off to sleep like a dream. She spat the dummy out when she'd had enough and slept for - wait for it - 8 HOURS!!! So I'm secretly in love with it whilst also being a bit neurotic about whether or not I'll be able to wean her off it. My friend's little boy is nearly 3 and he still has his dummy and his speech is really lazy and as a judgmental new mother who still thinks she knows it all, I keep thinking that the two probably go hand in hand. I daren't tell my Mum I'm giving her a dummy - how bad is that, I'm a Mum now but I'm still scared of my own Mum. And to be fair, she doesn't want it all the time, I think it's just if she gets overtired. So whilst I love the dummy now, we'll be playing that one by ear.

So that's us in a nutshell. It's totally chaotic and full on and busy and intense but it's also exciting and challenging and rewarding and AMAZING! When she smiles I absolutely melt and those late night cuddles after her feed are the best in the world. *GUSH* Being a Mummy is the hardest job I've ever done but by far the best job in the world x

 

[Lulu_Laroo]

Poppy does the hands/fingers/thumb/fist in mouth thing ALL the time now! I was always a little bit unsure of a dummy. My niece had one though and my sister had no problems taking it away from her as she got a bit older - she told her the 'dummy fairies' were going to take it one night. And that was that. She accepted the dummy fairies had taken it without any fuss! People always comment on what a brilliant talker she is, so they don't affect speech (well, it definitely didn't in her case). I think it's more if you just stuff the dummy in their mouths 24/7 rather than just giving it to them when they need it, so I wouldn't worry hun. Poppy has a dummy when she's being overly fussy during the day, I rarely give it to her at night as she doesn't seem to need it.

I am a dental nurse and the amount of kids who need braces due to thumb-sucking is unreal, so I'd much rather give her a dummy that can eventually be taken away rather than her stuffing her fingers/thumb into her mouth which can't be taken away!

Brooke is absolutely beautiful, such a gorgeous little face xx

 

[Piglet's Mama]

This week has been my toughest as a Mummy yet. For the first time I realised that as much as I want to, I can't do it all.

It all started on Wednesday. I'd been out alot on Monday and Tuesday and was going to be out on Thursday for Brooke's jabs, so I thought Wednesday would be my "stay at home and do chores" day. I hadn't planned on doing much; putting on a load of washing, putting the hoover round and giving the kitchen a good wipe down. I'll give you an idea of how it went - it took me three hours to put the bin out.

For whatever reason, I could do absolutely nothing with Brooke all day. She didn't want to sleep, she didn't want to eat, she didn't want to lie down, she didn't want to sit in her chair, she didn't want to be put down, she didn't want to be held... I don't know what she actually wanted but it seemed like she just wanted to piss me off. I was in absolutely despair. She would scream constantly, not screaming as in crying but shrieking and fussing and it was SO frustrating because I knew there was absolutely nothing wrong with her apart from her being a fussy little git! In the end, she was crying, I was crying and I told Al to come straight home from work (he was due to go and get some food shopping) and I would go out. It was official - I needed a break.

I felt guilty and relieved all at the same time, as I went to Sainsbury's that evening (oh yes, first time away from the baby and I go to the supermarket, wild.) I felt guilty because I thought, she's 8 weeks old and I already need a break. 8 weeks. She is going to be in my house for at least the next 18 years and after 8 weeks I'm already having a meltdown! Am I bad mother because the peace and quiet for that few short 30 minutes was bliss? I know obviously it doesn't make me a bad mother, but the guilt, oh the guilt. It's started already...

Low and behold, Brooke has gone on to be the perfect child ever since - a couple of big screams with her jabs, a little bit of milk and she was off to sleep. And yesterday she slept like a dream, ate like a dream and was full of love and smiles all day, typical eh? So it broke my heart this morning when Al took her to Asda to get some teabags. I actually had to fight back tears, god I'm a numpty! But I know I can't do everything and when Al is home I have to start taking advantage of him and let him do things with Brooke as well. So this arvo, he's sat with her & I've cleaned the bathroom, oh the glamour!

But hey ho, still learning - every day!

x

 

[Lulu_Laroo]

Oh hun I cried my eyes out the first time MIL took Poppy for a couple of hours. But then kept myself busy to keep my mind off it. I still feel sad and yearn for her even if OH takes her to the shops. But it's impossible for care for a child 24/7, 365 days of the year and stay sane! xx

 

[Piglet's Mama]

My little girl is now 2 months! 9 weeks today to be exact - where has the time gone? She is no longer this teeny tiny baby who just eats and sleeps and poos; she's now this amazing little person with the loveliest little personality!

She laughed for the first time on Tuesday, a proper little chuckle and I nearly cried with pride and happiness And this afternoon she has been smiling and laughing loads and I could just burst with love for her

God, isn't it freeeezing? My latest Mummy dilemma has been how many layers to put Brooke in at bedtime. I have had her in her Snugglesuit the last two nights and last night, I tried her in her sleep tog for the first time. I'd been reluctant to put her in it as she's such a wriggler, and I have been swaddling her at bedtime since she was born. But she seemed to get on really well with. it She had the Snugglesuit and a vest on and then the sleeping bag also and when she woke to feed in the night her hands were so cold, poor love. And the temperature was 3c - brrrr! So I put another light blanket over the sleeping bag and tucked her hands by her side and she slept then until 7.15am

I've found a warmer sleep tog that she'd been given when she was first born so I'll try her in that tonight and hopefully she'll be a bit warmer.

She's now also moved onto 6oz per feed and it works out she's having 3oz every couple of hours in the day but obviously goes longer in the night. She tends to go 4 hours from her first feed of the day but then likes to pick a bit in the day and eat every 2 hours. I think she's going through a bit of a growth spurt as well as she seems to be sleeping a lot more in the day these last couple of days. Sometimes its such a struggle to get her to sleep in the day that when she goes off on her own I just leave her!

Right, I think that's all for now x

 

[SunnyGirl]

Loving your journal - I'm recognising loads of stuff that Eliot does, and worrying less about it xx

 

[Piglet's Mama]

For some reason, Brooke has decided it's perfectly acceptable to wake up every 2 hours from 2.30am onwards... as a result, I am fooked!

I honestly don't know what's causing it, she is eating more and more in the day, having enough daytime sleep to be refreshed for her night time sleep but still, the last three nights she has woken up at 2.30am, 4.30, 5.30ish then 6ish again... She's a little tinker and I'm buggered if I know what's changed! I'm thinking tonight I might re-introduce the dream feed, if only to throw her a little and see if that makes a change to her night-time soirees! I've also had to cut right back on her feeds as she's been a bit fussy - again! I did read though that at this point they are less interest in feeding as there's so much going on. So it's back to 5-6 4oz feed a day and this seems to be working.

I increasingly feel like an 80-year old with a constantly aching back, clicky ankles, throbbing knees. I've been dropping hints that for Christmas, I'd like a full body massage so we shall see!

Al is off out tonight to wet the babies heads (lots of new baby's where he works), so me and the small girl are going it alone! I've ordered a pizza and think I'll have a cheeky white wine spritzer

 

[Piglet's Mama]

Success! Well... for the second night running anyway. Put little miss down in her cot awake and she settled herself off to sleep, so proud It took ages last night but I think it will get shorter night by night hopefully.

The dream feed was a success! I woke her at 11.45pm (a bit late I know but she wasn't asleep until nearly 9pm!), she only had 2oz but she slept until 6.10am, YES! So tonight I'm going to wake her at 10.30-11.00pm and do the same and see how we get on, fingers crossed!

She's been such a little angel these past few days, I just love her so much. She is such a happy and contented little baby; I genuinely feel so blessed x

 

[Piglet's Mama]

I felt like a bad Mummy last night...

I woke Brooke for her dream feed at 10.30pm and started to change her nappy. As it's normally a quick change I didn't put the changing mat down and she peed EVERYWHERE! All on the bed, in her vest so I had to strip her off! Poor love started bawling her eyes out, probably thinking "for feck sake mother, I was sleeping & you wake me up & get me undressed!" Got her dressed really quickly and gave her some milk & I think she forgave me! The little angel then slept until 5am Doing the dream fees this time round seems to be working, I think she was too young before to get into a routine, but it feels like the right time to perservere with it now! And she has also stopped fighting her sleep now which makes life alot easier! I may try & get her to take the feed tonight without changing her so i don't stress her out!

Brooke has got her 12-week jabs next week, where is the time going? And not long until her first Christmas! I'm going to get some calendars made with her pics in as my Mum will love that! X

 

[SunnyGirl]

probably thinking "for feck sake mother, I was sleeping & you wake me up & get me undressed!"

Laughing away here!

Hurray for progress and not fighting sleep
Love the idea of the calendar - that's lovely
xxx

 

[Minchin]

love your journal hon, your doing a fab job you write very well x

 

[Smithy1980]

^^wss I'm also learning lots too and recognising things that Brooke has done that Freya does and worrying less!

Fab journal hun xx


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