Getting the support you need?

[EmmahLouise]

To be perfectly honest this is really to vent about my OH,
recently it feels like he really doesn't care about anything to do with this pregnancy, it seems he has everything else (aka xbox) on his mind but me and our baby.

He rarely asks about how i'm feeling anymore and he only asks about baby when i remind him. When i'm feeling sick/depressed/angry he just keeps away from me, i mean sometimes when i say '' oh baby i'm not feeling so good'' he will be like '' oh come here'' and hug me for two seconds and go back to whatever he was doing.

Sometimes he makes me angry or annoys me on purpose and won't say sorry or just turns it around and makes it out like it was my fault or i'm overreacting and we won't talk for hours after sometimes or we will sit in totally different parts of the house.

this makes him sound like he's terrible but he has his great days it's just recently it feels like things are getting worse, we can't even keep conversation sometimes. Aha i feel better for getting that out.

Tell me is everybody else getting the support they need?

 

[Bexybun]

Nope.

Lol. I mean, some of the time, yeah my OH is supportive, but he's not a man who deals with emotion very well anyway, so an overly sensitive, overly emotional, overly hormonal Bex is not one he can handle really. I do find myself often thinking I get more support from my 4 year old!

But it's just the way he is. And ever since I started on this forum and have spoken to other members with similar experiences, I'm starting to realise that it's very common for the men to have little or no interest or sympathy in the pregnancy, after the initial excitement and before it's born. They are very literal creatures- if they're not feeling it, experiencing it, dealing with it personally, then they just can't understand how it feels for us. They have no experience to compare it to. Plus, it probably freaks them out that something that started off as a fun experience (hee hee!) has turned us into crying, vomiting, expanding mad women!

What I've done is try to remember that he's new to all this (he didn't come into my daughter's life until she was 2), and right now he's not able to be a part of the experience in the same way as me- as I get bigger, have scans, start getting the baby stuff, I'm hoping he'll get a little more excited. Maybe try to think like that?

Hope that helps xxx

 

[EmmahLouise]

Thanks so much, hearing that it's not just me is a relief a big one
Your right i never really thought of it like that so thank you, it's given me some peace of mind, i hope my OH gets more involved as the pregnancy progresses too i'll just have to wait and see.

I hope eveything goes well for you, keep me updated x

 

[Bexybun]

Aw bless, aren't you just a sweetheart?

Honestly babe, I was just as upset before I spoke to the girls on here. You can have a read of my thread about it, it's in this section and it's called 'Go take a long walk off a short pier, idiot.', lol. See, just as upset!

Just think, we're very lucky- we may not have great support from our OH's right now, but we got a whole forum of lovely ladies to help us! And I'm sure they'll get more involved and understanding as our pregnancies go on. x

 

[EmmahLouise]

Aha, yes just as upset i see
Yes we are lucky aren't we, i'm glad i don't feel as alone now and i do hope so, considering i haven't spoken to my OH in about 4 hours, we're both as stubborn as eachother lol x

 

[HeppiBean]

I know exactly what you mean, I've been having huge problems with my OH recently... Feels like he doesn't give 2 flying f***s about me or his baby... I tell him about baby's movements everytime I feel them (when we're alone and not doing anything anyway) and sometimes he's like "yehh my kids learnin quick" (to be mean to mummy...) but other times he's just like "oh great" and goes back to his poxy xbox... Grarr...

I dared mention that baby has developed a habbit of kicking my 'bits' and it really f***ing hurts like an electric shock everytime and he just snapped saying that he doesn't care and hopes i stop moaning soon!!

Don't ya just hate men... xx

 

[EmmahLouise]

awh honey, yeah they can be abit of a pain in the butt, trust me my OH's really immature so it's like i'm having my second child lol, and don't start me on the xbox or the bestfriend, i swear sometimes i get so vexed i feel like saying '' well forget this i'm going home, and i won't come back.'' but then i calm down abit, still fuming and it's been like four hours since i argued with my OH, but he hasn't dare stepped foot out of our bedroom so he's keeping his distance, but i think in a way that makes me more angry :L oh dear men aye.

I can say in all honesty it's the same when i talk about the baby's movements i get an ''oh right'' at most.

Well my plan is i won't speak to my OH untill he appologises so he can't complain i'm moaning, when he's had enough of being lonely and sleeping on the sofa ( if needed ) he'll soon try and get back in my good books :L if not it's going to be awkward for a long time aha, i'm stubborn like that xx

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

I think all men are like this to start off with. The amount of threads I've read about this and I even done one myself!
My 2nd baby was planned and OH still wasn't interested for the first half of the pregnancy. We didn't even tell anyone until I was 14 weeks cos he didn't want too! As soon as charley started kicking, OH took more of an interest. Be patient with him, he will get better x x

 

[HeppiBean]

Good on ya! The 'bestfriend' is here at the moment so I'm pointedly ignoring them and just hoovered the living room where they're TRYING to play halo... ha ha xx

 

[EmmahLouise]

aha we do hope so x

 

[EmmahLouise]

Good on ya! The 'bestfriend' is here at the moment so I'm pointedly ignoring them and just hoovered the living room where they're TRYING to play halo... ha ha xx

Oh poor you it's horrible to be ignored isn't it, and lol good on you, be as noisey as posible they'll get the point lol

i must admitt i rule the roost at the moment so the bestfriend only comes when i allow it considering i get completely ignored when he's here, my OH always sucks up to me before asking for him to come over so i always have time to prepare something to entertain myself with x

 

[HeppiBean]

Lucky you!!... I have to put up with it everyday and kick up a HUGE fuss if I'm not happy!! I was in tears for hours with my OH last night... And he was all like... Don't worry we'll have a few days break... Then the bestfriends just turns up without an invite or even calling ahead... Woke us up and now he'll probably be here til about midnight as per usual... So I'm just going to be really annoying and tidy around them so I get in their way hehe xx

 

[EmmahLouise]

aha do it
you shouldn't have to put up with that tho, if it makes you that upset put your foot down pull your OH aside and be like look i'm really not happy with this it's unacceptable and we have to discuss it. thats what i'd do, no way i'd sit there miserable x

 

[HeppiBean]

Oh trust me... I'm trying... I swear he's just thick as 2 short planks and doesn't even consider me... He accused me of stealing off him as well last night!! (He couldn't find one of his xbox games and said I'd taken it to get more time with him...) he was sat on it the whole time

But I'll get there...

 

[Kezzamunster]

I know I'm not expecting a lil bubba but I have this trouble with the OH now & just isn't on at all, even more unacceptable that your carrying your child & should be a shared thing

I struggle with him now & gets too much for me so can only imagine what it's like when you need them now at this important time, all I can offer is

It's good you can chat to the girls on here & share your experiences with people going through the same thing & I hope that things improve & they start to become how they should be, caring, loving, attentive to the mother of their child

Sorry rant over now

xxxx

 

[EmmahLouise]

oh dear, well i've done the unspeakable before... oh yes i took his xbox away and hid it
he went mad but if he wanted it back he had to realise shouting wasn't going to get him anywhere lol.

in my expirence men just need a set of rules and to be kicked in the right direction sometimes.

well you always have me and the other lovely ladies on here to vent to x

 

[EmmahLouise]

I know I'm not expecting a lil bubba but I have this trouble with the OH now & just isn't on at all, even more unacceptable that your carrying your child & should be a shared thing

I struggle with him now & gets too much for me so can only imagine what it's like when you need them now at this important time, all I can offer is

It's good you can chat to the girls on here & share your experiences with people going through the same thing & I hope that things improve & they start to become how they should be, caring, loving, attentive to the mother of their child

Sorry rant over now

xxxx

awh that was really beautiful in a way aha thank you x

 

[HeppiBean]

Ta thankfully I'm feeling reasonably possitive today as I have my next scan tomorrow so it's not bothering me too much... May have to do something drastic like that soon... Only take his bike keys away instead of the xbox... That'd make him open his eyes more x

 

[EmmahLouise]

aha damn straight empower yourself, and call the shots.
i hope everything goes well with the scan keep me updated and hopefully your OH will be more attentive considering it's your scan tomorrow x

 

[HeppiBean]

Hope so and will do... Look out for a "We are Team..." thread with my name on it xx