He's gone missing

[Donna79x]

Hello every1,

Really upset... me and OH have been together 14 months now have been TTC for a year and every so often (6-8 weeks) he just goes missing , gets drunk and ends up staying at his mums or brothers for the night and does not contact me at all until the next day(afternoon) then he is all sorry.

I have had enough now..... he went to work yesterday, texted me all day yesterday morning saying how we were going out for the day today etc etc and that he loved me , then the last text was at 12 o clock dinner time to sday he would be home in two hours and that his brother was dropping him off (he works with his brother).

Well texted him at 3 to ask how long he would be, no reply to rang, no reply... this went on till 10 o clock last night, so rang his brother who said he dropped him off in Leeds city centre at 5 o clock and he had gone to the arcade... he spoke to him at 7 o clock and his was in our home town and going for a drink. Still he wasnt answering my calls or text. His mum rang for him at 10.15 and I told her the story.

No-one as heard from him today - his brother, mum, his mates that I have numbers for ..... and still no contact.

What should I do... I am devastated.

x

 

[mummykay]

keep busy and when he turns up, probably stinkin of booze, leave him to it
u sure u wanna have a baby with this guy, he doesnt sound like he can actually think of anyone but himself????

 

[Misslarue]

Hun, I don't want to upset you and I'm not making a comparison, but my family was in a similar situation with my step dad. He is dead now (lung cancer) but when I was growing up he used to disappear for days on end. At first it was the odd day, but in the end it was sometimes weeks at a time. He would bascially go on what my mum would call a 'bender'. He would get completely wasted on alcohol, spend all the money and turn up a few days later full of the most ridiculous excuses, dirty and stinking of alcohol. He would beg forgiveness and my mother being the weak fool she is, would always take him back until the next time he would do it all again.

I really hope you and your OH can get to the bottom of why he does this. One thing I can say is that my step dad always turned up again. Good luck Hun , I can still remember how frantic my mum would be until she knew he was safe

 

[Tangerinedream]

My mum tells me her dad was like this, he always came back after getting wasted (often spent the night in police cells). One time the family were just about to go on holiday, i mean literally packing the car and waiting for him to come back from the post office bfore setting off. he came back a day later having spent all the holiday money on booze. The dissapointment and upset my poor mum and her brothers were put through. Do you want to put your future family through that?

 

[Charlotte & Emily]

aw it must be horrible to go through
i know i stress out if my DF doesnt contact me for a few hours if hes gone out

i agree with mummykay, maybe you should sort this problem out before thinking about having a baby together
Hope everything is ok and im sure that hell turn up soon with his tail between his legs

 

[nicki]

My first thoughts after reading that was what a pig but are there other reasons why he would do this? did he do this sort of thing before you & him got together?
By the sounds of it tho. he has issues & he needs to grow up & sort himself out, do you really want a child brought into this world with him being the father, whats to stop him doing this if a baby turns up? I really would think hard if this is what you really want & could put up with him letting you down time & time again.
If my DH did this to me I'd string him up by his ging-gang-goolies

 

[Hypnorm]

I really would get this sorted before having a baby with this guy.
TTC after only 4 months of knowing a guy is kinda sudden.
He obvioulsy doesn't really think of people and their feelings if he can just dissapear like this.
What if some thing serious happened when you were preg or with the child and he was on one of his benders! sorry but this guy needs to grow up.

 

[Sabrina]

I have to agree with the other ladies. Your OH really doesn't sound responsible enough to care for himself let alone father a child.

I had a boyfriend who did this to me a few times. Turned out he had BIG issues with money, overspending, gambling and drinking. He led a double life... Mr Perfect most of the time but every now and again he'd go off the rails completely and disappear for a day or two. Usually he'd turn up with some stupid excuse as to why he couldn't get in touch.

Sorry to say but I think you'd be better off without him.

Take care

 

[cassi]

TTC after only 4 months of knowing a guy is kinda sudden

She said 14 months hun

Really sorry this is happening to you, it must be so worrying but as the other ladies have said this needs to be sorted before TTC cause it wouldnt be fair on you or the child....try sitting down and having a long chat about it, instead of arguing about it, which I know is probably hard cause if it was my fella id string him up by his balls

hope it gets better xox

 

[Hypnorm]

me and OH have been together 14 months now have been TTC for a year

Sorry my maths is terrible but just re-read initial post,
They have been TTC a yr, that means they started TTC'ing after only 2 months! Sorry but that is sudden!

What happened did he come back? grovelling i hope.

 

[Urchin]

It may have been sudden a year ago, but they aren't pregnant yet so surely it doesn't make any difference right now?

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

I agree, we started trying after only 5 months and have been trying for 16, sometimes you just know If it wasnt right we would have realised by now .

 

[pigletpoo]

Hi Donna,

Hope you are ok. Maybe you need to take a step back out of the situation. When my OH does things like this, he gets more wound up and I seem to push him further away the more I try to find out why, and the more upset i get, the more he distances himself from me.
I'm not trying to compare them, coz my guy is a nut, but I always feel better when I stand back, take a seep breath and think enough is enough and I am going to take control of the situation.
I always get better results when I react differently to what he is expecting - ie not ringing, not texting and just getting on with my life. Then he comes back of his own accord.


Good luck, let us know how you are xxx

Piglet xx

 

[TipsyDipsy]

Having a baby hun won't change him. Its a mistake so many girls make so learn from them and don't make the same error.
A baby is not just an object and you have to think about your future childs feelings as well and how he/she'd feel if their daddy dissapeared every couple of weeks and what affect that would have on them.
My advice would be to try and sort this out before bring another person into this relationship.
I'm sorry hun I don't mean to be mean or patronizing but sometimes the truth is not nice to confront.
I hope you can sort your relationship out x x

 

[Donna79x]

Hi Girls, Sorry I aint posted back on this one.... had a 'trying week' from him and I have a lot of time to think. He rang on sunday afternoon to say that he was very drunk on saturday and he was wrong and for not getting in touch ... he knew I would be mad and upset and unfortunately Jason cant face up to things that he as caused sometimes (a challenge we have... !) but I just left him to do all the talking and he wanted to come home and I suggested that he stayed at his mums for a couple of days and thought long and hard about us (an approach I aint used before) and by god it seems to of mad some difference even though it was very hard to do what my head was telling me for once and not my heart if you know what I mean.

Thanks for all you replies.... this website means so much to me in many ways... lots of friends that I have never met or spoken to.... Thanks everyone.

Re the comment regarding TTC so soon..... I had known him prior to this and 'we just knew', yeah we have challenges in our relationship but other times he is a very nice loving affectionate person. I think it up to the people involved to think and make those decisions. After what as happened I have thought long and hard about many things and a baby being top of the list... I know a baby aint just and an 'object' and 'if' I was to fall pregnant (which I aint yet and I believe in Fate) and we did split.... my baby would be loved unconditionally and there are many ladies out there in that situation and children.....

We are still taking things very slowly now and we have/are talking about TTC'ing and many other things and it seems that this time as hit home but a week aint a long time to tell if it not just an immediate reaction and doesn't yet give me the confidence that it wont happen again but we are building on the relationship and I have followed my head for once which is very hard when your in love for some people.....

Thanks again everyone ..... xxxxxx (sorry for the long post)

 

[Donna79x]

Tipsy... thanks for your reply also hun...

However, I am not TTC a baby to 'try and change him'......

A baby is a human being that needs love and affection and is part of your life forever.... I would never plan to fetch a baby into the world to have an effect on/fix my relationship...... !

 

[TipsyDipsy]

Hi hun I apologise if my post offended and wish you all the best.

 

[Sabrina]

I hope you and your OH can work things out Donna. It would be really good if he could see the impact of his actions on you. That is an excellent start point to improvement.

Maybe a few days apart will help. Good luck. xx

Sabrina