how do I get through this?

[sarah1]

Well I am not sure how many of you know my 'story' over last few weeks...... I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago with first baby - about 5 ish weeks (irregular cycle). I had a little bit of bleeding last sunday, and went for a scan at EPU on Thursday (last week) where they said baby was most likely earlier than I thought as it looked a bit small, but they couldn't rule out a miscarriage.

On Sunday morning I woke up in terrible pain with heavy bleeding. The pains got so bad I couldn't get up and I passed a lot of clots too. I rung early pregnancy again and they were really nice and gave me lots of advice about what to do so went to A+E in the evening as they said that was the best thing to do. They took bloods and confirmed that HCG levels were too low and I was miscarrying. This was on sunday and I am still bleeding and in pain but not as bad................I keep having a terrible feeling of shock in my stomach - its like I forget what has happened and then someone shouts 'you have lost your baby'. I can't think about doing anything normal - we went to the supermarket yesterday and I cried my eyes out, can't really explain why. Can't sleep well at night without crying for a few hours beforehand, and my brain is a bit of a mess. I am thankfully off work this week but can't even contemplate having to face people. Our close family didn't know about the pregnancy so we haven't told anyone - should we?

Sorry for the rant, I know it is bit selfish I just want to feel a bit better about things xxxxxxxxx

 

[MrsR]

Firstly massive hugs sweetheart. It is completely up to you whether you tell people, I had a missed miscarriage 2 and half years ago and hadn't told anyone about being pg but decided to tell my parents and sister just for their support x it doesn't seem like it now but there is light at the end if this very very dark tunnel, just take every day as it comes and don't worry about other peoples expectations and take as much time as you need to grieve x x x there's alot of support on here for you x x x

 

[MrsR]

Oh and it's not selfish at all, rant away x

 

[kiki]

It's a horrible thing for anyone to have to go through. I have had two MC's (8&12 weeks) and for days afterwards I was just screaming out loud as the loss felt almost like a physical pain. Its only been a very short time since you lost your baby, so give yourself some time to grieve. It will get better with time even though it doesn't feel like it now.

I did tell some of my friends and it helped me having someone to talk to. And this forum is amazing as well!

Take care of yourself

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Hey sarah. sorry for your loss....Im in the same situation as you....lost my baby last wed had it confirmed last fri at just under 6 weeks....and Im devestated to say the least.
With regards to telling family etc....only a few very close friends of ours know about it all and my two cousins who are like my sisters. We were going to tell the inlaws on friday but neither of us could face telling them over the phone, I didnt want to go visiting anyone and text wasnt appropriate! My reason for wanting to tell them was that I didnt want this baby to go unrecognised and not be acknowledged as its hurting loosing at 6 weeks as what I imagine it would be at 6 months, 6 years etc...they were still our babies and its hurts like hell! However we decided against telling the bro and sis and inlaws as we didnt feel like we would get the support we need and that they may have reacted in a negative way because of our ages as prospevtive parents (38 & 40) but that was the only reason why we havent told them yet. Maybe in time we will. I suppost its up to you if you tell yours and know if they will be there to support you as thats one thing I can say is that the amount of support Ive got from everyone here has been overwhelming and I wouldnt have got through this last week if it werent for this site....
Sorry for the long post....just remember your not alone here and good luck with telling them if thats what you decide xxx

 

[karenandbump]

Hey hon - so sorry to hear you have gone through this - it happened to me back in Jan and was devestating. We're all here for you for support. In terms of other people I told my family and some close friends but I know some people don't - whatever you think works for you to get through this.

Thinking of you xxx

 

[sarah1]

Thanks so much for kind comments and support. I'm feeling a bit more positive today but I'm very up and down which I am sure is to be expected. Trying to look forward to trying for another, and OH is being v supportive too. Wilma - I'm so sorry for you, must have been so hard just finding out and then losing your baby. I don't think there is anything wrong with trying for another at 38 and 40, and wish you all the luck in the world. I appreciate so much that everyone is here for each other.

We still haven't decided whether to tell anyone, it would be quite upsetting for family etc so we will see how we cope on our own. We haven't seen anyone yet so it might be harder than we thought when we are face to face.

I am still bleeding and having terrible trouble with IBS - think its from the stress. I've had mixed answers about when bleeding should stop so will see how it goes.

Thanks again everyone xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Thanks for that Sarah......yeah 38 and 40 isnt that old but my inlaws see otherwise although BIL had little boy at 42!!!

Glad your feeling a little better but yes up and down seems to be the way it goes....

As for seeing how you both cope before telling anyone is prob the best idea....we saw my two cousins (more like my sisters) this evening for birthday meal and I thought it was going to be hard seeing them face to face after telling them on the phone but it was fine....extra tight hugs did the trick and we are so close so that helped lots....although I know it will/would be a totaly different story with the inlaws....but of course I appreciate everyone is different so do what you both feel best doing.

I was bleeding from the Sat and just stopped passing the last of the brown sludge yesterday (tmi sorry) so about 10 days from start to finish for me....not sure if there is a set amount of time that it should take or not....

I take great comfort in knowing that everyone here is a great support and someone always has a shoulder to cry on when needed.....I felt guilty tbh that I was feeling ready to carry on so soon but after talking to everyone on here and not being judged I feel a lot happier about TTC again....

Im thinking of you Sarah.....hugs xxx

 

[JJ Mum]

I'm really sorry you had this happen to you Sarah, sending big hugs your way XX

I had a Missed Miscarridge last month at 11 weeks and the support of the girls on here helped loads, so keep talking to us about it as it really does help and become easier to talk about.

All the things that you are going through are all normal, crying all of a sudden, and not sleeping, which in turn doesn't help you. I found that the shock stopped me from remembering anything, like your in a daze all the time. Just remember your not alone, or to blame for anything that happened.

You will feel better in yourself in a little time, just get yourself rested and recover XX

 

[sarah1]

Hi Wilma, thanks I am feeling a bit better today. Only been bleeding for 5 days but it seems to be getting better. I keep getting a pain when I go for a wee and cramps afterwards, I am hoping it is IBS related but will go back to docs if it is not.
JJ mum am so sorry about your m/c last month, yes I feel sometimes I have lost my memory and concentration, keep finding myself just staring into space! OH has been great at distracting me, its just when I am on my own I start thinking of stuff, especially at night. I am sure getting to sleep will get easier too. xxx