How do i knock some sense into him?!?!

[MissGobby]

GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

right my DF, Danny, as you will probably know is in the army, has a good wage coming in every month but is in a bit of debt, he got £3,000 in loans out, had paid most of that off now and has finished paying it all off in Decmeber this year, he has car finance which he pays around £200 a month on until the end of 2008, car insurance which costs him around £150 a month and he has a mobile contract phone.

now the thing is, he is very clumsy and silly with money, he would rather have money to buy PS2 games, pizzas, going out than to pay off his direct debits, this has amounted in him not paying his loans and his mobile phone payments, more so the mobile phones.

i hate this, really hate it, he should out the direct debits first but he doesnt!!!!

he picked me up from work today for my dinner and told me he couldnt ring me becuase they have 'cut him off' i asked him is it becuase he hasnt paid his bill again and he denied it, after i kept on at him he admitted he hadnt paid becuase 'he didnt have enough money' he does not understand you can just say that!!!!!!! he needs to put his direct debits first before him!!!!!

we went to see a mortgage adviser last week and she said they will have to do a credit check on him, he told her that he misses payments from time to time (he ALWAYS pays them - just not when he is supposed to, he has never missed a payment and not paid it, if that makes sense!)! anyway she said that the more payments he has missed the harder it will be to get a mortgage, even though we will definatly get one.

now i am very careful with money, if i dont have enough money, i wait until i get paid again but he doesnt and he cannot understand why i go on at him over it! he gets paid much more than me yet he cant even afford to pay him direct debits, it really gets me down, is this how its always going to be??????????



sorry for the rant

 

[Flame]

I dont mean to sound like an old misery or anything but do you really think it is wise to get a mortgage with someone who would rather buy fun stuff rather than pay the bills? as it will come down to you having to pay the mortgage and if it doesnt get paid ontime then it will affect your credit rating to.

Chances are that if he really is that bad with payments he wont get a mortgage anyway.

My advice would be to make him do a trial run at not buying fun things and paying his debts first.

Also what would he do when you get pregnant and have a baby? buy computer games instead of nappies?

 

[MissGobby]

well we are not getting a mortgage until all his loans are paid off (apart from his finance) and i have told him today that he can take his contract phone back and buy a cheap pay as you go one!

also, we said that we would get a joint account and put so much a month into it to pay bills etc, i would have mine, his and our bank cards and give him what he needed, see i am really sensible so its the only way!!!!

he should be getting a pay rise next month too so im hoping it will sort him out a little!

 

[Flame]

If you can keep hold of his money as well as yours then sounds like you should be ok but it takes a while for a credit rating to return to a good state after it has been battered.

If you are not going to get a mortgage until his debts are paid off then wait until then to get a quote for a mortgage to because everytime someone does a credit check on you it dents your score.

 

[MissGobby]

does it? i never knew that!! thanks Flame - it really gets to me, i think he comes home every month with around £1,000 whereas i come home with £700 -£80 of that i give my mum for board, yet i am always the one who pays for us to go out, like tonight i will be, and tomorrow, and he never has any money, it really gets to me!!!!!!

 

[tuck]

are his bills actually set up as direct debits from the bank, if yes can they not be taken on the day that he gets paid so he does not have a chance to spend all his money. maybe open a 2nd account and transfer some money in every month so he starts saving. I dont want to put you off but my ex was like that and it ended up with me paying all the bills on the house, the car insurance, food EVERYTHING and having a big row every month when I asked for a contribution. He couldnt get a mortgage due to various reasons so mortgage was in my name only, he always had money for his booze, football, nights out with his mates, designer clothes etc etc, I even used to end up paying for takeaways etc cause he'd say he had no money and so I used to write a cheque!!!

you need to try and get this sorted before taking on any big commitments such as mortgages.

 

[MissGobby]

yeah tuck i know what you mean and i have told him im not commiting to a mortgage with him until his loans/bills etc are paid off and he has no direct debits apart from his car/insurance!!

his loan and car payments are direct debit, so was his contract phone but he cancelled the direct debit to his phone so he just pays when he telephones them, which is supposed to be on the 1st of every month, the thing i hate too is that he lies to me and tells me he has paid them when i know for a fact he hasnt, he isnt just like this with me though, he is the same to his mum and dad and if me, his mum or his dad try and talk/advise him about it he starts getting very defensive and starts rowing saying we are ganging up and its none of our business and to keep our noses out of his finances....we cant win!!!

 

[leckershell]

this is going to sound really geeky as I work in finance anyway, but me and my oh made a spreadsheet with all of our incomings and outgoings. we then set aside some money for savings, and then, spending money for the month, like a budget.

we work out how much has to come from my oh's account, and then he sends the rest of his money by bank transfer into my account, and I pay the bills with it etc. that way he only has his set amount for going out, and the bills still get paid. if you have money left over at the end of the month, then you could either split it and spend it, or put it into savings etc.

i had the same problem.. although nat does pay his bills and stuff, he's a natural spender with the rest. but now we have set it up, he has learnt to live on a budget so he knows how much he should spend in a week, and if he goes over then thats tough until payday!

it's worked out well for us because im the one with the money to hand, because im the one that can be trusted with it. if you opened a joint account, he would have both of your moneys to spend.. if that makes sense?

sorry for the long post!

m

 

[Sabrina]

It sounds like you have a good attitude towards finances and you are right to be thinking about this now before committing to a big joint financial arrangement such as a mortgage. It's great if he can stick to a plan and pay off his debts first as that will show he can do it if he wants.

He's got a good job, regular income, and should be able to work out a payment plan for all his debts. Like Leckershell said would be worth the two of you working out your financies, on paper, or computer, all the incomings and outgoings to see what you've got left.

In the meantime I think it might be time for a bit of "tough love" : If you keep paying for nights out and all the little luxuries because he's wasted his money then he'll keep relying on you to do it and will never face up to his responsibilities


Sabrina

p.s. I got my credit report recently and was surprised to see it still held details of all credit applications, cards, loans, hp etc from 10 years ago... even the things which had been paid off for over 5 years!! It's scary how much information lenders can get.

 

[leckershell]

That's a good point, if you guys wanted to get a credit report for him, you'll find out what the mortgage people are going to find out.

I got mine through Expedian and I think it was only a couple of pounds. It was worth doing, as my OH has a default on his, so we couldn't actually apply for a mortgage for another year and a half or so, so we made provisions to rent together in the meantime.

m

 

[happy-chick]

Sounds like he needs a kick up the ass! lol I know what u mean about him not managing things well, my OH is the same so I take care of all the finances and then we split or both decide what to do with the rest.

Yeah his credit rating will take a good while to get back up there, I have a low credit rating and have NEVER missed a payment on anything but ive never really had much credit. They wont give me credit for this reason its so annoying.

When we went for a mortgage we struggled to find one due to the fact that my credit rating was low regardless of the fact that we were both earning a good wage.... its so hard! We didnt end up going through in the end as I was made redundant a week later

Good luck hun xxx

 

[Riley's Mommy]

i could have been writing that.

i completely sypothise. my OH is the same. we have debts, and i pay them off when i can. but when OH gets paid, he draws the whole lot out, and as far as im aware, doesnt pay anything to them.

we do have alot of things which we need to pay for atm, like getting my car on the road again, but i do wish he would pay something to his debts.

no advice im afraid, just wanted to say that i sypothise

 

[MissGobby]

hugs to you too Keslo - its so frustrating isnt it???

 

[tracyM]

Although my OH has never been in debt, he's terrible with money. He sees his earnings as his money, my earnings as family money, and we've had soooooo many arguments over it. I've finally managed to get him making a contribution every week, but it's a pittance.

We've had problems getting our new mortgage because of his non-existant credit rating (not bad, just nothing there), but I would never trust him with credit. No credit history is in the same league as bad credit history where mortgages are concerned. We were quoted 11.9% on a joint mortgage, we've got 5.79% on a mortgage in my name only (self employed so still pretty high), but it's been more expensive with solicitors fees. If you want to consider a mortgage in your name only before his credit history clears, you'll need the income to support the multipliers.

I'm leaving things as they are for a while, with his measly contributions, it's better than nothing, and I've stopped him dipping into the joint account whenever he feels like it.