i dont know what to do!

[Karina]

I don’t know where to start really. I’m 23 and have been in a relationship with my partner since December. I fell pregnant in January and I now feel completely lost. I’m happy for my pregnancy to go ahead... more then happy! I cant wait to be a mum. Though that should be the first thing on my mind, its not. Its on my relationship, I don’t know if I love my partner anymore, I try and try to explain the issues to him but he doesn’t understand, I didn’t see this relationship going anywhere when we got together (something I didn’t say)I used to be a party animal and so did he so we got together whist constantly having fun, infatuation. but then I fell pregnant and now its like I’m being forced to stay with him because of our baby, I’m constantly doubting. I’ve seeked advise from my mum who spilt with my dad 6years ago after 18years (they have four children together and now don’t speak AT ALL because they hate each other) she says she doesn’t want me to make her mistake and stay with someone just because of a child because sometimes it works better and with more happiness when partners split. my partners got no job, does illegal activities and is currently homeless, he’s a nice guy really, he treated me like a princess and bought me everything I wanted he still would if I didn’t say no (cant take gifts when thinking like this) but maybe he’s not the one for me... I think!! I’ve been brought up in quite a strict family,that are mainly catholic’s, so bringing my partner home was a bit of a shock. I liked that, but now I’m growing up I can now see why my family were shocked. I don’t know if its my hormones playing up or what. when we spend time together at the moment I cant even kiss him. I just don’t know what to do or think, its making me depressed, I must have some sort of feelings for him as I haven’t split with him, I just don’t know. has anyone been in the same situation??

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

Hello and welcome to the Forum.

It sounds as if you have made up your mind, you just need reassurance that you have done the right thing. It seems to me that splitting up would be the right thing to do, based on what you have said already. Good luck with your pregnancy, keep posting, loads of support here

 

[Mamafy]

It was all abit too much too soon I guess

Like Rosie's mummy has said you sound pretty set that you two have no future together so it is better to do it now rather than wait until the baby is here x

Welcome to the Forum

 

[frankie707]

I can see that this is really hard for you but it does sound like you know what you want to do - from what you have said it doesn't sound like you want to be with this guy. If you were to spilt now then you have lots of time to work on your relationship as parents before the baby arrives so that it works for both of you and your baby.
Welcome to the forum and I hope you make the decision that makes YOU happy

 

[Tonks]

If you are having doubts now, it will only get worse as your pregnancy goes on and baby arrives. If you aren't happy then leave, don't stay together just because. Baby will be happy with two parents who are happy apart rather than together and miserable

 

[Karina]

thanks for the welcome everyone
something's holding me back though, is it i have feelings for him or guilt?

 

[Pudds86]

Or is it that you feel you HAVE to stay together for the baby? By the way you are talking it doesnt sound like you have feelings for him. Love isnt easy, everyone has to work at it, but as much as me and Hubby work at it, and annoy each other I never feel like we wont make it. I think that's where your relationship differs. If you wanted to be with him you wouldnt feel this way xx

 

[ria__x]

aw i'm really sorry to hear about your troubles but it sounds like it's bringing a lot of strain on you and maybe you need to think more about yourself and well-being rather than making your current other half happy! i would feel sooooo guilty aswell but sometimes breaking up is something you've gotta do..

my current OH split up couple times while being together as i was in a bad place and being with someone didn't help. but i got my head sorted and now we're engaged! so who knows what time apart will bring..

just remember you are just human and if you don't want to be with someone you don't have to be! the point of being with someone it because you WANT to!

hope everyone's posts have helped. i completely understand how bad you may feel! i haaaate it so feel your pain !

welcome to the forum, it's dead good here you'll love it xxx

 

[ema-lou24]

i think if you's were to split up now and work on your relationship as parents instead of a couple, u might find that by time baby is born you's actually do wanna be together, does that make sence?
you need to do what is best for you at the moment.

my best mate was seeing a guy, nothing too serious, then she fell pregnant and felt exactly same as u did, but she didnt split with him until the baby was about 3month old, they split and after a month they realised they really cant be without eachother and are so happy now.

give it time hun, figure out what YOU want before trying to work out whats for the best.

always here x

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

Hi, myself and my partner are also having our first child, and also used to be hardcore party animals

I think for me, i had a good many doubts about our relationship before getting pregnant, i used to wonder if i was with the right guy and such and such, many times i nearly broke it off with him but something held me back

and that thing for me was that i could see the man he would become, he was a boy when i met him, just 21 and was this sort of lost fish in a big sea. I could see that he would grow into a big strong dependable fella, but he wasnt that when we met.

When i fell pregnant it was like a wave crashed over us, both of us and we began planning how the house/friends/social life would change to fit in with this new life that we had been blessed with

I have had to really help him at times, like he is working but hes in a deadbeat factory job, on minimum wage and seems quite comfortable to stay at it forever - I realised that just like i am a big thinker but often find it hard to finish jobs, Liam is a dependable sort where by he will stick at something even if he hates it because thats what he has to do.

So we got him a hair cut (bye bye beautiful dreadlocks) and he has an interview coming up for a prestigeous apprenticeship in engineering... If all goes to plan he will be doing that and will be in a position to support me, our child and another child in 4 years time

Liam would never on his own have thought that far ahead though, he would have got stuck on the detail, imagined that 4 years was too long to be on low wage and never gone for it

I suppose what i am trying to say is that you guys are two parents for definate and if you can be two parts of a partnership too, then thats fantastic, if you can HELP him make that leap from boy to man then you might find yourself with a beautiful baby and relationship

If hes not ready/willing or able to be a man and be enough for you and this child, then nothing you will do will change that, but maybe the guy needs a wake up call and wether you stay with him or not, perhaps you can help him see that right now...

He will always be the babies daddy after all.

I think its really wise to not stay in a relationship that you dont want to be in, but i also think its important to remember our emotions and whatever are all over the place right now, and perhaps you should attempt (even for just the last time) to give the father of your child a chance to become a man

Goodluck and dont hang around with him if hes hurting you, but dont be too quick to judge, sometimes i think men just need a firm hard kick up the arse and they can really come through for us

Much love

Fi xx

 

[Mummytoodles]

Hello, and welcome your new just like me!!
Can i just ask.. how has your Mum and Dad's break up affected you? Like how do you feel about it?
My Mum and Dad broke up when I was 3 months old and because of their hate for eachother my relationship with my Dad has majorly suffered where i only got to see my dad at a maximum 4 times a year (but it was usually less and for about 2 hours at a time)
There is method in my madness.... so please don't fret... I always had a close relationship with my Mum, but i have also got a slight hate for her but due to my relationship with my Dad.. When i first fell pregnant I felt I had to stay with my OH so that my baby didn't have any hate for me... As if i was basing my baby's and I relationship on my Mum's and I... I'm sorry if this makes no sense to you but i know what i mean lol Also sorry to drone on if you find none of this helpful....But Good luck either way xx