I don't like sex (a bit tmi)

[CatBana]

...which is a bit of a problem since I'm ttc. It does nothing for me. I enjoy 'other' things but sex itself has never given me you know what. OH is always too tired to make sure I enjoy myself, and I feel like some sort of brazen 'ho when I try to take charge in the bedroom - he doens't like it. Everything; when we have it, what position, is on his terms. I'm so bored with the whole set up and I imagine my future stretching before me with no proper 'enjoyment'. From another human being anyways.

Does anyone have any tips for how their partners manage it? Surely this is not the norm. Not according to the Sex and The City girls anyhow.
Thanks
x

 

[Princess81]

Men are quite visual, so what about some sexy undies or similar when he gets home from work, and what about in different places? Like on the sofa etc? Lots of fellas like sexy chat too.

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

I think you have to be straight to the point with men at times Princess!
If hes not ddoing it right or the way you like or enjoy it you have to tell him!

If DH was doing something that was doing absolutely nothing for I would DEF tell him coz otherwise hes going to keep thinking hes hitting the right spot everytime and pleasing you...so if he doesnt know hes doing it wrong he cant put it right.....

HOWEVER.....IF he DOES know its doing nothing for you and youve told him and STILL hes made no attempt to make things better for you....ID WITHOLD EVERYTHING from him until he makes some effort lol!

And Im serious.....

If you two are able to talk openly then do it....it will only make things better....but if you find it hard to talk to him about sex maybe taking the simple approach may help him.....you show him what to do....where to go...how you like it....

It cant hurt....and besides...why suffer in silence....good luck Mrs....dont miss out on something good when you could be having so much fun with a little bit of communication xxx

 

[CatBana]

Thanks for wb. Well I do have sexy undies but I only wear it when he's in the mood and wants me to. I get rejected when I wear them unbidden. We do different places sometimes but we still have the problem of no pleasure for me! And dirty talk turns him off, but I don't really like that either.

I have told him repeatedly that I'm sick of no big O, and thats its unfair that he gets to every time and that he's a selfish lover etc. He knows what I like but doesnt like doing it! I don't really know how to rectify the sex situation - can anyone recommend positions or technique (in as ungraphic a way as possible!!lol). Sometimes I'd rather be on my own and not have to deal with these STUPID old men at all.

In the mean time, I LOVE the withholding idea!! hehe. Although with ttc we're meant to be doing it every other night so I'd probably be the one to give in.

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Hmmmm tough one Cat....if he knows and STILL isnt making any effort I would then put restrictions on him.....

I would INSIST I had an orgasm first....before any penetration took place....

STOP doing the things he likes you doing to/for him and if your TTC then just do what you need to do to get his swimmers....try this for a while and I bet he soon changes!!

Drastic?? Maybe but sometimes thats the only thing that works....

However...what I would recomment is a pocket rocket from Anne Summers....its small and discreet and you can use this while having penetrive sex so that he gets what he wants, you get your BIG o and you still get to BD and get his swimmers!!

Their great and do the job in record time lol!!

Good luck....xxx

 

[megsmeadow]

And he wouldn't believe that a female orgasm was absolutely essential in the TTC process?? White lie....but.....needs must!

 

[CatBana]

I think I am going to withold even though I want to be pregnant, I am fed up. I'd love a pocket rocket but seriously this man is a bit on the prudish side! So I'm thinking maybe even the threat of getting one might be enough to make him try a bit harder. The trouble is he works really hard, goes to bed early, and it takes quite a while for me to be satisfied. We've been ttc since august so we used to do quickies every other night through ovulation and make the effort on a sat night. He doesn't like doing what I'd call 'proper' sex more often than that, but we don't even do that anymore. He gets impatient really quickly and goes a bit huffy when I'm not pleasured immediately - and that's a real turn off for me - as if I'm not being satisfied on purpose.
When we first met he made out like I was his dream woman but now he can't be bothered to make the effort I guess!

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Ah dont be so hard on yoursel Cat hes prob just being a typical selfish man who wants it all his own way....but I would def be having stern words with him.....if HES not going to do the job properly then a POCKET ROCKET WILL!! Like you say even the threat of one might boot him up the ars*.....

Love the little whitie Megs....lol

xxx

 

[JJ Mum]

I'd agree with Wilma Cat, I wouldn't give him it, which I know is hard if your TTC, but you have 5 days left to your new cycle anyway, so nows the time to start , and maybee things will change before day 14 of your cycle?

I would have words, as men are really slow to pick up on things. And withold the nookie completely, wear the frumpyest PJ's possible so he can get nothing if he decided to cuddle up one night to change your mind!

Then all day and every day at other times, dress the nicest and glammest and hot as possible and go out lots and make him pay!!!

It will be like sweeties in a jar, and he lost the key!!

Good luck

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Ha love it JJ....but yes thats what I would do Cat....xxx

 

[mummynmummy2b]

My partner is a bit like that, i dont think its that hes selfish i think he is just stuck in his ways and every girl is so different that he doesnt really know what to do to get me off! He gives great head (!!!) but even then it will still take me 20 minutes and i'm not the sort of person who feels comfortable saying 'do it like this' or whatever. About 2 years ago i decided that if i wanted to have fun I needed to take responsibility for making sure i had fun! IYKWIM!! We now do spoons alot which he enjoys as it gives more friction but also mean i've got my hands free to do what I need to do (Sorry trying not to be too explicit here but guess you know what i mean!) We use lube more often now which makes it better for me. I go on top and instead of doing the 'up and down' motion that works for him i pretty much grind on his pubic bone rocking my hips backwards and forwards leaning slightly forward usually with my hands on the headboard for support!! (Really sorry couldnt think of a better way to put that!) With a good blob of lube that gives me enough clitoral stimulation to O!
You look after yourslef girl if he isnt going to! Sex without an O is just a chore so make sure you do whats good for you!

along side all this I think you probably still need to have a conversation about it! Make it clear your not asking him to go for a marathon sesh just do stuff slightly different to make it good for you both otherwise he may as well get a blow up doll cos thats how he's treating you. Sex is about pleasing eachother not yourself. If thats all he wants he may as well have a wank!

I'd like to apologise to all those that my post may offend. Just I have no time for selfish men!!!

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Say it how it is mummy....like your style....but very right too!!! xxx

 

[mummynmummy2b]

Just read back over my post n it sounds like im a right cow!! sorry girls! xx

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Ha no not at all....just to the point and thats the best way....lol xx

 

[Princess81]

I do agree with the direct approach, if my o/h was like that then he'd not be getting any for such a long time that he'd be willing to do whatever it took to get a bit of action. The female O is important for TTC and what's the point of run of the mill sex? I was just trying to be a bit subtle earlier (not like me I know). I would sit him down and say "if you want any then we have to do it in a way that suits us both and not just you".

 

[xXxBonnyxXx]

Maybe I have a different view - I wouldn't with hold completely, I would tease him and tease him and tease him until he finally gave in and started doing things my way!!!
I am the boss and you will do as I Want!

But I do know where you are coming from - It takes me alot of time to O and I do pleasure myself - Box of toys come in handy - while hubby is in the bath, So I get my first O in then and I don't mind if Hubby cant hit the spot exactly! He knows what I do though and he loves it, and then loves watching it too, so if your OH isn't into the idea of toys this probably wouldn't work for you.

Or how about buying one of the little Vibro Bullets, very similar to the pocket rocket but also very small,
You could hide it under your pillow until you are having sex and then pull it out and use it on yourself - sometimes men are scared at the thought of toys because they think that they aren't good enough, but when he see's how small it is and how you use it he might change his mind and even give you a hand with it - this happened to me with my last partner

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Yeah agree Bonny...years ago when I was with my ex I won a Vibrator at an Anne Summers party....he hit the roof saying it was filthy, I was filthy for bringing it into the house....he refused to even take it out the box and he took it straight to the tip and binned it....he thought 'why did I want that when I had him'....some men are insecure and also prudish about toys but you could always educate him princess and make him see they can be fun and add something to your sex life....as well as you getting your BIG O too......good luck mrs xxx

 

[titch]

if its foreplay youre after we have the same problem, my OH thinks foreplay is for teenagers who arent ready for sex, men!! I solve it by getting in the bath with him, cant have sex in the bath but there is room for a bit of back scrubbing which turns into a bit of foreplay, also try some lube, it makes a big difference!

 

[mummynmummy2b]

I can understand mens fear of sex toys as porn dictates that they involve 10 inch huge veiny willies! Which as you can understand would make him feel kinda inferior. lol!

A vibrating cock ring could be a good idea. You can sell it to him as being good for both of you but in effect its actually just a bullet on a rubber hoop and I've never found them to work for me when used conventionally..... It might just soften the shock for him, of bringing toys into bed. You could always exclusively use it on him for a bit so he doesnt think its just for you!! Its obviously no slight on his manhood though cos there is no way however hard he tries he can get his willy to vibrate (shame) and its about an inch long !

 

[titch]

there is no way however hard he tries he can get his willy to vibrate !

a man who could do that could make a fortune!!!!