Knowing the sex - Why dont people want to know?

[Tenshineko]

Iv got my '20 week scan' on monday at 9:30 and im already counting the seconds till i see baby again and find out the sex. Every one seems excited aswell but when i tell them we are going to find out the sex they say it would be disapointing and should be a surprise when its born (because giving birth and having my baby in my arms wont be over welming enough? )

Why dont people want to know? DH called his parents to remind them when the scan is and they said 'remember not to tell us what sex it is, we dont want to know till its born' How are we suposed to keep something like that quiet? At first it didnt bother me (just thought it was strange) but im quite upset now iv had time to think about it. Why cant they respect our decision and just find out when we do and let us get excited about our baby?

I had people at work shaking there heads and looking at me like im stupid because i want to know if its a boy or girl. Has anyone else had anything similar happen?

 

[Rock-Angel]

thats odd, most people want to know the sex so they know what color clothes and gifts to buy, coz its hard to buy netural stuff!!!
I would just tell people or mention him/her a lot, depending what it is!!! and if people get narky, say Im sorry but this is my baby, I have a right to know the sex, and a right to talk about him/her in a proper mannor and not keep refering to it as an IT!!

 

[EllieBelle]

Just ignore them hun, at the end of the day its personal choice whether or not YOU decide to find out!!

We wanted to know the sex and I will never regret our decision, knowing I was carrying a boy made me feel much closer to my bump and we were able to argue over names, so by the time he arrived we knew what he was called! I also loved being able to shop for baby boy things........!

I think your in-laws (or maybe better referred to as out-laws ) are totally out of order, it might be their grandson, but its your baby, and personally I wouldnt keep it from them, its your choice not theirs!!

Good luck with the scan, its a really exciting time!

 

[Serendipity_]

I have exactly the same.

"You're betting off not knowing"

Errrrrrrrrrr what right would you have telling me what I am better off doing with my baby?

I respect people who don't want to know

But I do, its my baby, I don't need people telling me I am "stupid"

 

[Chopsie]

Personally, I want to stay team green because I want my husband to be the one who tells me when the baby comes out. I've also had friends who found out at their 20 wk scan and then wished it'd been a surprise once the baby was born - they'd kind of already given the child a name and a personality, so although it was still a huge thrill to meet their baby, it kind of felt like a bit of an anti-climax in a way.

I'm sure the thrill of holding my newborn will be more than enough, but I've been told that it kind of adds an extra dimension when you haven't previously found out the sex - and maybe friends/grandparents etc just want the thrill of a surprise. Especially grandparents who never had the option to find out when they had their babies - they're maybe a bit sceptical of how accurate it is, after all ,you do hear cases of sonographers getting it wrong!

I can totally understand why you want to know though - I always thought I'd want to until I got pg - and I'd never tut and frown at someone for doing so. It makes it much easier to buy the things you'll need (it's SO hard to find nice neutral stuff!) and ultimately, it's your baby, and totally up to you! If others don't like it then tough!

 

[chaya5738]

Well we have had the exact OPPOSITE. We DON'T want to find out and keep encountering people telling us 1) that is will be harder to shop for baby things if we don't know the sex (which I think is ridiculous); and 2) we won't bond with our baby in the womb if we don't know the sex (again, ridiculous).

So I guess everyone has opinions and they are never going to be the same as yours so you just have to learn not to get offended.

The reason we don't want to find out is because of the surprise (for ourselves and for others) and because I want my husband to tell me the sex once it is born. A nice way to include him I think. For us, finding out from the sonographer is a bit of an anti-climax.

 

[charlie84]

Oh yes i had this from some people when i said i was finding out the sex

I was told 'oh your going to ruin the suprise' and 'it will be better finding out at the birth' and 'you'll have nothing to look forward to once you know the sex' - umm how bout the birth of my first baby

Dont let them bother you, i just said nah i wanna find out and i am gonna find out and i dont feel that it would spoil the birth for me at all. They still went on about it after i found out it was going to be a girl

I remember double checking at the birth anyways to make sure she was a girl

 

[Serendipity_]

Even when my niece was born, we all knew she was going to be a girl. And when I went to see her, it wasn't disappointing that we knew she was a girl anyway... Meeting her, holding her, cuddling her and kissing her was special and remarkable for me... And her mother and father said the same!

The thing is with being pregnant is that the whole world and its dog think they have a right to comment on your parenting/birthing/pregnancy choices

 

[Mama 2 Be]

We've had the same! But people haven't asked us if we are finding out they've been telling us not to find out - to which I have told them that we have found out but aren't telling anyone - which is quite comical because the people who told us not to find out are now pushing for info to find out what the sex is!

Ignore them! It's your baby and if you want to ring them up and say 'We're having a son/daughter!' then say it and when they complain casually say: 'Ooops, I'm so exicted I forgot you didn't want to know, oh well no harm done. '

 

[Kittykins]

We've had the same experience as chaya, and tbh it's really peeing me off. Of course we'll love our baby just as much if we don't happen to know what it is before it's born! People haven't failed to bond with babies from the beginning of history until scans were introduced 25 years ago...


Jenna, I think you might be overreacting a little to your in-laws They're clearly really looking forward to the birth, but don't want to know what flavour it is - that doesn't meant they aren't excited for you, or don't respect your decision, and don't want you to get excited. If they were criticising you for finding out, that would be sth else, but just saying 'please let it be a surprise for us' is, IMO, fine. Also don't forget that for our parents' generation, scans weren't widely available (though I may be showing my own age here! ); I know a lot of my parents and friends, whilst excited about prospective grandchildren, are much more cautious than we are, plus scans are not such a big deal (let's face it - they just see a grainy black and white photo of a blob, they didn't get to see the actual baby moving around on the screen!). For them, the whole birth announcement of "it's a boy/girl!" was the big deal. Yes, it might be difficult not sharing the news with them - but think of it as your secret, that you share with your DH. Even the friends I know who found out (not many) decided not to tell anyone else till the birth, and they said that was a really special bond, just the two of them and the baby knowing!

It's none of your colleagues' business, however, and they should just butt out of it...

 

[Kittykins]

p.s. were you one of those children who can't resist peeking into every wardrobe/under every bed/in every bag in the run-up to Christmas, in the hope of finding one of your presents before the big day?! I get so upset if anyone leaks a surprise before it's time - I still haven't forgiven my then 2-year-old brother for telling my mother what her birthday present was as she was about to open it, and that was 30 years ago!

 

[Snuggle]

Everyone has their own reasons for finding out or not hun, do what you want to do and ignore everyone else. My Mum wanted me to keep this baby as a surprise but I really wanted to know. I like to be prepared and I wanted to do up the nursery in either pink or blue and also wanted to get a name chosen. Thats my reasons. I asked the family if they would like to know or not as I would of tried to keep it a secret if they wanted me to but they all wanted to know anyway, even my Mum

 

[valentine]

I don't understand why people want to know, I love being team green! I do respect personal choice though, but just love love love the surprise, the suspense and the added excitement and anticipation not knowing gives throughout late pregnancy and the birth.

Plus until a few weeks ago when things changed in my health board, we would have had to pay for an extra scan to be able to find out (didn't get a 20 week scan).

I don't think your PIL have been out of order, I think its fair enough that they don't want to know - you'll just have to be extra careful how you phrase things and what you show them that you buy! And who else may say something to them not realising they don't want to know!

Valentine Xxx

 

[JayK2387]

We had this too lol my ohs step mum pretty much SHOUTED "Noooooooooooooooooooo you'll ruin the surprise - you young girls r so quick to ruin all god suprises"

I just laughed it off haha.

They have 3 grand kids all boys so were thrilled when i said ITS A GIRL lol.

I have said next one we'll remain team green but i dought we will hahaha im way to impatient.

I loved finding out, it was such a suprise, me oh and my mum all burst into tears hahaha.

Her name is sorted, she has lots of beautiful outfits, i love to be organised I cant help it.

Plus when i talk to her i talk to her using her name. For me it made bonding with my fat belly easier lol xxx

 

[pacha]

Absolutely everyone is saying this to us. Both sets of parents dont want us to tell them and everyone keeps saying 'don't ruin the surprise' and 'why would you want to find out'. Grrrr

 

[Serendipity_]

p.s. were you one of those children who can't resist peeking into every wardrobe/under every bed/in every bag in the run-up to Christmas, in the hope of finding one of your presents before the big day?!

I wasn't but I still want to find out!

I'm actually scared incase 'it' has its legs crossed

 

[Tenshineko]

p.s. were you one of those children who can't resist peeking into every wardrobe/under every bed/in every bag in the run-up to Christmas, in the hope of finding one of your presents before the big day?! I get so upset if anyone leaks a surprise before it's time - I still haven't forgiven my then 2-year-old brother for telling my mother what her birthday present was as she was about to open it, and that was 30 years ago!

Yes i did it every year and still do!

 

[krissie23]

I wanted to stay team green but when I had my scan, I couldn't resist having a good look and I saw boy bits so just had to ask, and the Sonographer confirmed it was a boy!

When I told my MIL that I'd found out, she hit the roof! She started ranting at me about how impatient I was and how I would regret finding out.. well I don't! It's made things a lot easier for me, I've already sorted through all of Amber's baby clothes and because we didn't tell anyone we were having a girl when I was pregnant with her, people bought us lots of neutral colour clothes. So I've got them washed and ironed and stored away ready for this one! I've also bought lots of blue outfits and can sort the rooms out, decorate the Nursery, etc.

I respect people's decisions, my parents don't want to know the sex as they want it to be a suprise so I haven't told them... but then they didn't go off on one at me for wanting to find out! You just have to watch what you say around people that don't want to know!

 

[splashmonkey]

Goodness me, why do other people think it's any of their business! It's totally a personal decision and up to us as parents and I don't see why anyone else has to make a big deal out of it. I agree that, if grandparents want to get a surprise, then that's their choice too (if you can manage to keep quiet that is!), but they've certainly no right to try and influence the parents' decision. I don't see why there's any right or wrong here, if you don't want a surprise why have one? I'd love to know, the suspense is killing me, but I want to try and stay green just so I can hear "it's a boy!" once it's born (don't ask my why but am SOOOO convinced it's a boy). But if you're the kind of person that wants to have a pink/blue nursery/clothes etc (personally I'm not) or is just impatient, then go for it (but don't criticise the rest of us!) Whoever said everyone seems to have to know best about pregnancy/birth etc. is totally right. They're our bodies and our babies and our opinions are the only ones that count girls! Sheesh, people need to learn to live and let live (not you lot, all the advice givers I mean!)

 

[M&Ms]

At first, my ex husband and I decided not to find out what our baby was, but at the 20 weeks scan, baby was being an awkward so-and-so and they couldn't confirm the heart was ok. Had to go back 2 weeks later and by that time I had had 2 weeks of worry and 2 weeks of 'I bet that sonographer knows what I am having!' so when I went back for the scan with my sister I cracked and asked Kept it quiet from everyone else tho (but I did buy a pink kitten hat and kept it well hidden)

With my second, I just wanted to know. Was on my own by that time and money was tight and wanted to know so I could buy stuff.

This time, my fiance didn't want to know at first, but I've talked him round. Scan is next Wednesday. He already has 2 boys and a girl and I have a girl and a boy. Guess we need a pinky to even numbers up I know what an emotional wreck I have been in the past at childbirth so I think I would rather know in advance