need advice please

[babydust]

well i just got back from my holiday tonight to find out that the midwife has been trying to contact me all week she even came to the door this morning, apparently they want to know what to do with the baby, they have finished the pathology and need to know what to do there has been 4 notes left for me to call them asap, i dont really know what to do i suppose i will need to wait till tomorrow to call them and see what my options are, i have never had this b4 but i have never had a loss at 13 weeks b4. I would have thought that they should have got this sorted out b4 now i was feeling pretty good after holiday but now i have never felt worse.
I just wondered if anyone else had ever been in this situation, and what their options were?

 

[miffy]

Hi Claire

Sorry to hear of your losses and that you're having to face it all again with this decision. When I was miscarrying in hospital earlier this month, I had to sign a form about what to do with the 'products', which I asked them to dispose of. But I was only 10 weeks and I'm sure that the embryo had passed away earlier than that, so was very small. It's not the same as getting to 13 weeks.

They can make the baby available for you to have your own funeral. Maybe you could bury it somewhere close to you. With my first miscarriage I miscarried mainly at home and retained the fetus, which we buried in a box in the garden - after holding it in my hand, it didn't seem right to just flush it away.

Nobody will judge you for your decision, it's a very personal one, so do what's right for you. I really feel for you at this time



Take care xxx

 

[mishm]

The same thing happened to me i lost baby at 16 weeks but they went through this with me the day i was in hospital and the options they gave me was ,

The hospital send all the babie's from that month together in a little coffin to the local crematorium and on a date at the end of the month they hold a little service and they get cremated together,you dont have to go to this service but if you want to you can but you dint have to explain to anyone why your there if you dont wish to,the reason they do this is because she said that with babie's still being so small the ashes are made up of bones and there wouldnt be any ashes left of baby after this (sorry if ive gone in to too much detail just explaining what i was told).

The other option was i could organise something myself with the vicar and he could do a little service and plan a little burial plot but wouldnt be allowed to have a headstone ? im not quite sure why.

It is a really hard but personal choice but things may be different with each hopsital im not sure but they will go through it all with you and just do whatever you feel best

 

[Steelgoddess]

Have you thought about maybe naming the baby and having a send off?

Sorry Im not too sure about this but wanted to wish you well and hope you will get through this

xx

 

[katyk]

Yes it is a bit surprising they didn't discuss this with you earlier. Hope you feel more ok about it soon

 

[puppylove]

Oh honey im so sorry to hear this, as some of the girls have said its a personal thing so its really up to you honey, sorry im not much help but wanna send some

 

[babydust]

thanks everyone,
im expecting the midwife to come this morning, so i suppose i will need to wait and see what options she gives me, i think maybe someone forgot to go through this with me when i was in hospital which i know mistakes can happen but i just feel that im back to stage one with grieving now.

 

[babydust]

well i just spoke to the midwife and she says they have featal tissue that by law they have to cremate so i have to go back to the hospital to sign forms to allow them to cremate it, im feeling really crap about this as 4 weeks down the line i was begining to feel a bit better, im not looking forward to going back to the hospital as its the maternity ward were i had my d&c and i didnt think i would have to face it again so soon, i am really pi**ed off as my results are back now but they wont give me them until i see the consultant on 24th september , they wont even tell me what sex my baby was.

 

[katyk]

You shouldn't have to do something as distressing as go back to the ward just to sign a form Does sound like they forgot to do it at the time

 

[babydust]

well i went to the hospital tonight to sign the forms for cremation, back to the same ward and the same bloody room i was in 4 weeks ago
The sister of the ward came in and i explained how angry i was about the whole thing and that i should have been asked to sign it when i did my consent for the d&c, she said that wasnt their policy but she also said this kind of thing doesnt happen very often and it was due to the thing that happened a while ago with hospitals keeping body parts of deceased children they have to by law now cremate them. She also said that they will look into their policy as she agreed that it had to change, she agreed that it would have been alot easier on me if i had signed it with my consent, so at least something good has come from it.

I also asked her if i should still be testing positive in a pregnancy test and she said not at this stage, she said that i could be pregnant again i was given a urine bottle to hand a sample in tomorrow, she also mentioned a heprin trial that they are doing to prevent m/c does anyone know about this?
Sorry this is a bit long winded but had to get it out.

 

[katyk]

oh I hope you are preg clare if that's wot you want

Looks like a lot of areas round the world are doing similar trials http://www.infonews.co.nz/news.cfm?l=1&t=76&id=1215

some studles have said it can reduce risk of m/c by 54% in women with certain causes of miscarriage.

But there haven't been large enough trials done to be sure so that's why they're doing it.

Nearer the time, they should be giving you some info sheets about possible side effects etc so you can decide if it's for you