Hi everyone...
I've just found out that I'm pregnant. When I told my boyfriend he sat down and said "oh fuck, oh shit" over and over again for about fifteen minutes. I then told him that I didn't want to have an abortion and he asked me why. I gave him a few reasons and he didn't really argue with me about them. He then refused to look me in the eye for two days... After two days he told me, "I don't want a baby". I cried all night and the next morning he told me that he loves me and wants to "try to want what I want". That was a week ago. Since then he's told me that he feels condemned and he sometimes looks at me as his jailer. He's been affectionate occasionally, but most of the time he's been cold and we haven't made love since I told him about the pregnancy.
I'm an Australian 29 year old over in the UK on a working holiday visa. I've been living with my English boyfriend for four months and was planning to see how our relationship progressed over the next year or so before deciding if we wanted to get married and apply for a spousal visa. We had talked about having children some time in the future and were both very positive about the idea, but had no immediate plans.
I feel very, very lonely. My mum and all of my family and friends are in Australia. To make matters worse, I have no savings and my boyfriend is about £500 in debt. I can't get any maternity pay because of the kind of visa I'm on and I can't get government assistance from the Australian government because I'm not currently an Australian resident, or from the UK government because I'm not a British citizen.
Now most of you are probably thinking (and part of me too)... "Just go back to Australia, claim government assistance and raise the baby with the support of your family. Your boyfriend has let you down so forget about him". But there's a bigger part of me that wants to give my boyfriend more of a chance. He's told me that he doesn't want me to leave him and that he's committed to looking after me and the baby. He's scared and he feels trapped, but he's a very caring person. I can't imagine him not falling in love with this baby and with fatherhood once he gets over his fears. He will always be my baby's father and I want us to be together as a family.
I'm scared though, that if I stay in the UK and have the baby here that I won't have enough money to see my Australian family. I miss my mum and I know that she'd be really sad if she never saw her grandchild more than a handful of times in her life.
I feel really torn between my Australian family and my boyfriend (my future baby's father), between the need for financial support and the emotional support that I hope my boyfriend will eventually be able to provide. I miss my family and my country... and I'm pregnant! ... as if that didn't provide enough emotional turmoil on its own!
Please send me some words of encouragement... I really need them right now. Also, if anyone has had any similar experiences I'd love to hear about them...
I've just found out that I'm pregnant. When I told my boyfriend he sat down and said "oh fuck, oh shit" over and over again for about fifteen minutes. I then told him that I didn't want to have an abortion and he asked me why. I gave him a few reasons and he didn't really argue with me about them. He then refused to look me in the eye for two days... After two days he told me, "I don't want a baby". I cried all night and the next morning he told me that he loves me and wants to "try to want what I want". That was a week ago. Since then he's told me that he feels condemned and he sometimes looks at me as his jailer. He's been affectionate occasionally, but most of the time he's been cold and we haven't made love since I told him about the pregnancy.
I'm an Australian 29 year old over in the UK on a working holiday visa. I've been living with my English boyfriend for four months and was planning to see how our relationship progressed over the next year or so before deciding if we wanted to get married and apply for a spousal visa. We had talked about having children some time in the future and were both very positive about the idea, but had no immediate plans.
I feel very, very lonely. My mum and all of my family and friends are in Australia. To make matters worse, I have no savings and my boyfriend is about £500 in debt. I can't get any maternity pay because of the kind of visa I'm on and I can't get government assistance from the Australian government because I'm not currently an Australian resident, or from the UK government because I'm not a British citizen.
Now most of you are probably thinking (and part of me too)... "Just go back to Australia, claim government assistance and raise the baby with the support of your family. Your boyfriend has let you down so forget about him". But there's a bigger part of me that wants to give my boyfriend more of a chance. He's told me that he doesn't want me to leave him and that he's committed to looking after me and the baby. He's scared and he feels trapped, but he's a very caring person. I can't imagine him not falling in love with this baby and with fatherhood once he gets over his fears. He will always be my baby's father and I want us to be together as a family.
I'm scared though, that if I stay in the UK and have the baby here that I won't have enough money to see my Australian family. I miss my mum and I know that she'd be really sad if she never saw her grandchild more than a handful of times in her life.
I feel really torn between my Australian family and my boyfriend (my future baby's father), between the need for financial support and the emotional support that I hope my boyfriend will eventually be able to provide. I miss my family and my country... and I'm pregnant! ... as if that didn't provide enough emotional turmoil on its own!
Please send me some words of encouragement... I really need them right now. Also, if anyone has had any similar experiences I'd love to hear about them...