My sis isnt coping well...

[Rubys mummy]

My sis gave birth 6 weeks early, baby is 5 weeks old today and doing well, she is feeding great and is now 7lb 2oz (she was 5lb 12oz born)

Sis had a very bad time, emergency c section, followed by 2 ops for internal bleeding, and has since had kidney infection and infection in her uterus.

Baby was in SCBU, but came home after 2 weeks.

Sis is in a bad way at the mo, she says she isnt coping, and "isnt cut out to be a mum". She is crying all the time, and doc has pecribed her anti depressants. Last week she stayed at mums with the baby to get rest, but went home yesterday. Spoke to her before and she is crying again, baby wont settle and is crying all night. Midwife says baby has colic, and she is on infacol (sp?)

I feel helpless, dont want to interfere as I am heavily preggie and need my rest, but when I do go round, baby is an angel (isnt that typical!!) I jst wish I could help her more....

Any ideas?

 

[Em78]

i'm sure just being there to listen to her when she needs to get it off her chest helps loads hun.

it is hard to cope in those early days anyway let alone when they have all been through so much.

just listen and keep telling her she is doing a great job and remind her everyone struggles to start with even without the complications she has had. its really easy to feel like you are not doing it all right because surely it isnt supposed to be this tough? well it is, its hell but it does get better!

lots of cuddles and a shoulder to cry on babes!

xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[claire81]

Hiya, i suffered with post natal depression after the birth of my first child and it is a horrible thing to go through. You may find that the baby will be IT IT won't stop crying, you pick IT up, etc. She will learn to love her but at the minute she is probably a) in shock because she came so early, b) resenting the baby for making her feel so low. You have to make sure not to make silly comments around her, for example i used to have my nan phoning of a night just to make sure i hadn't got a pillow over my daughters face it just made me feel even more useless.
Make it known to her that you think she is doing a great job and that the way she is feeling, if it helps, tell her you have a freind who also felt she was useless and called her daughter IT
Tell her your friend was like this for 4 months until it just hit her out of the blue when her child was looking at her and smiled that, she can't be that bad cuz the child is happy!
Just be there for her, there will be lots of tears and you just have to listen, if she is talking to someone, shes not taking it out on someone

 

[Rubys mummy]

Thanks girls
I keep telling her she is a brillant mummy, Olivia is such a gorgeous thing, and is clean, well fed and healthy.
My sis is a perfectionist and is trying to keep her house immaculate, and I mean IMMACULATE too, which is so hard, and so not important at the mo. She is being so hard on herself.

When I am with Olivia, I change her, feed her, and settle her, sis says to me "You are such a natural, you are going to the perfect mum", and I feel guilty, like she is having a go, you know?? I know she doesnt mean it badly, but it breaks my heart, as I know she is a good mum....

 

[claire81]

When she says that say things like, yes just like my sister

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

hun i think she just needs u there to support her!! be there if she needs to tlk etc
oliva did come early and is prob still in a bit of shock and as she isnt well probably feels tired and down like neone does but then u have a upset baby to look after every nite!! just let her know ur always there for her no matter wot

 

[Jaidy]

Babes, hope you got my texts regarding this

All you can do is be strong and support Zena however you can. Having a baby early and having all those problems must have been a huge shock to her system, life has changed dramatically for her these past 5 weeks and its going to take time for her to adjust.

I bet she is a fab mum, and once your LO arrives im sure she wont feel so 'alone'. Also when the tablets have kicked in, Zena will probably begin to look at things more positively. I think she has been so brave considering what she has been through.

Just be there for her hun, thats all you can do

 

[hev&madi]

awww bless her i know how hard it is being taken away from your little one then when you get home its a big shock to the system i felt quiet down for a little while but it does get better

is little one being sick as well?

also tell your sister if she keeps crying lye her in her moses basket and walk away it might sound nasty but then your sis can calm down and then go back to her ( if you get what i mean). my hv told me to do if if madi keeps crying (which she used to do)

i send my love to you all xxxx

 

[Gaby]

i hope she gets better soon. just listening to her probably helps a heck of a lot. Hopefully her baby will get better soon so she doesn't cry so much. to you both

 

[Alfiesmummy]

also tell your sister if she keeps crying lye her in her moses basket and walk away it might sound nasty but then your sis can calm down and then go back to her ( if you get what i mean). my hv told me to do if if madi keeps crying (which she used to do)

Sometimes you have to do that just to stay sane, one day Alfie had really bad colic it was the first time Ian was at work (and works away) and i didnt know wat to do i sort of just went numb and thought make sure Alfie is safe and go outside for ten minutes so i put him in his basket, opened patio doors and i stood outside and sobbed for about 10minutes, when id finished i felt better calmer ready to face it again, when i came back in he was asleep your sis will be fine hun im sure of it it does take time