I NEED ADVICE

[TRACYC]

HI THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ON HERE BUT DONT KNOW WHERE ELSE TO TURN. I AM MARRIED WITH 3 KIDS AND 1 ON THE WAY. 2 DAYS AGO I FOUND A RANDOM TEXT ON MY HUSBANDS PHONE FROM ANOTHER WOMAN. I TEXTED HER PRETENDING TO BE HIM AND IT CAME TO LIGHT THAT THEY HAD MET A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO ON A NIGHT OUT AND HAD BEEN TEXTING EACH OTHER SINCE. CONFRONTED HIM AND HE CONFESSED THAT HE HAD TEXTED HER SEEN HER ONCE BUT THEY HAD ONLY KISSED THE ONCE. I WAS DEVASTATED AND ASKED HIM WHY. HE SAID HE NEEDED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND CANT BARE THE THOUGHT OF LIVING WITH OUT HIM BUT DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. HE SAYS HE FINISHED IT A WEEK AGO AND SHE SAYS SAME THING. IM GOING INSANE TRYIN TO WORK OUT WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON. HE SAYS WILL DO ANYTHING TO PUT THINGS RIGHT EVEN GIVE UP PLAYIN RUGBY WHICH HE LOVES, HELP ME PLEASE X X

 

[Strangeness]

I think if you can't imagine living without him you'll forgive him but don't let him off! He needs to prove how sorry he is and that he can rebuild the trust he has shattered! A kiss is still a total breech of trust so he can't just be let off. I hope you work it out hun, it's an awful thing to go through!

 

[TRACYC]

I HAVE TOLD HIM THAT IF HE EVER DOES ANYTHING LIKE IT AGAIN HE IS OUT OF THE DOOR. IF HE HAD GONE ANY FURTHER THEN HE WOULD HAVE BEEN OUT STAIGHT AWAY. WE SAT FOR AGES LAST NIGHT TALKING AND CRYIN. JUST DONT WANT HIM TO THINK HE CAN GET AWAY WITH ANYTHIN LIKE THIS AGAIN COS IM NO DOORMAT. WE ONLY BEEN MARRIED 6 MONTHS BEEN TOGETHER 4 YEARS IM JUST SO DISSAPOINTED WITH HIM COS NEVER DREAMT HE WOULD DO IT. THANKS FOR REPLYIN IT REALLY HELPED. OH AND BY THE WAY MY LITTLE BOY IS CALLED AARON TOO

 

[Hypnorm]

Just tell him that if it happens again he will be out the door, and will lose his kids, that would do the trick.

Probably just having a midlife crisis - but he needs to understand thast you are both starting from scratch again.
Trust has to be built up again, i wouldnt ban him from rugby.

 

[Urchin]

Awww sorry to hear about this.

Personally, if he realises his mistake now and promises never to do it again, you can move on.
It sounds like you both really love each other and have an otherwise strong relationship so just read him the riot act and then both try to forget about it.

 

[x-kirsty-x]

What an awful thing to have to go through, especially when you're pregnant

You've got alot together and if you think its worth fighting for then give it a go, it will take time and effort from both of you but maybe one day you'll learn to trust him again.

Only thing I can advise is that if you're willing to forgive him then thats exactly what you have to do, try not to bring it up in future arguments etc cos I've been through that and its pointless, if its in the past and you're ready to start again then leave it in the past no matter how hard it is

Hope everything works out for you

 

[Cat&Noah]

Another important thin, is not just aout forggiving, ut addressin the prolems taht made him feel like he needed to do this. You said that he did it cause he felt he didnt have anyone to talk too. Im not excusing is behavior, but you need to make sure that the lines of comunication are open and that he can talk about what he is unhappy with and address these problems, so he never feels like he has to stray again.

 

[claire81]

If its possible, take a weekend away just the 2 of you, and do nothing but talk. Sounds like maybe the 2 of you have been stuck in a rut for a while and him having a penis ( ) thought if hes bored he may aswell try something new. We all take each other for granted and it makes the other person think they have gone off them, and especially having 2 kids, this is probably what has happened.

I was with my husband 4 years and we had 2 girls, then 4 months after we married i found the old text to a woman at work saying how gorgeous she was. He admitted they had been flirting, but hadn't kissed or met but still i felt cheated and kicked him out. This all happened over xmas 2004. They had a 2 week relationship, i went through hell, and it wasn't til 9 months after he finally realised what he had done

Because we had both found our own independance by then (i found an entire group of new friends, had nights out, dressed up, put make up on and done my hair, something i couldnt be bothered to do years before)
We got back together and now we have a totally different relationship. We both go out with our friends so we have something to talk to in the evenings, and we also make time for each other. And now im carrying that 3rd child i'd dreamed of.

PM me anytime you like, i know what it feels like to go through something like this. Oh and weve been back together for 13 months now.

Take care

Claire x

 

[TRACYC]

THANKYOU ALL SO MUCH.READING WHAT YOU ALL HAD TO SAY HAS REALLY HELPED ME THROUGH ALL THIS. ALL I WANT IS FOR US TO BE HAPPY. WE HAD A NIGHT IN A HOTEL OVER THE WEEKEND AND REALLY TALKED THINGS THROUGH. WE WENT FOR A MEAL AND HE BOUGHT ME SOME NEW CLOTHES AND THINGS COS I FELT LIKE I HAD NOT BEEN MAKING AN EFFORT WITH THE WAY I LOOKED. NOW HAVE APPOINTMENT BOOKED TO CHANGE MY HAIR STYLE COS THINK IF FEEL GOOD BOUT MYSELF IT WILL HELP MATTERS. I WOULD NEVER STOP HIM PLAYING RUGBY IT MEANS TO MUCH TO HIM BUT WE HAVE MADE A PACT THAT ONCE A MONTH WE WILL HAVE I NIGHT OUT JUST US TO KEEP THINGS ALIVE X

 

[Urchin]

Great news Tracy.

 

[Hypnorm]

Great idea and glad you are sorting things out

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Glad things are ok hun, make sure u have regular heart to heart talks xxx
Communication is the key

 

[TRACYC]

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. THINGS SEEM ALOT BETTER AT THE MINUTE. ALTHOUGH I KEEP DRIFTING OFF AT TIMES AND FIND MYSELF THINKING BOUT IT, ASKING MYSELF SILLY QUESTIONS. ITS THE LITTLE THINGS THAT GET TO ME LIKE DID HE TELL HER SHE WAS PRETTY AND DID HE TALK TO HER AND SHOW HER PICS OF OUR KIDS. TRYING NOT TO THINK BOUT HER BUT SHE JUST SORT OF CREEPS IN. SHE RECKONS THEY WERE JUST FRIENDS AND JUST TALKED BOUT MATE STUFF. FEEL BIT INSECURE AT MIN BUT SO DOES HE COS WE TALKED AGAIN LAST NIGHT AND HE SAID HE IS WORRIED IM GONNA CHANGE MY MIND AND KICK HIM OUT X X

 

[Vicki83]

Obviously you're not gonna just forget about things and you are gonna think about things, i think it's always the little things that get to you more. But all you can do is try and work things out if it's what you really want, but it will take time hun

 

[TRACYC]

THANKS BABE. HELPS TALKING ON HERE COS THEN I DONT GO HOME FROM WORK AND START FIRING QUESTIONS AT HIM. YEAH REALLY WANT IT TO WORK OUT I LOVE HIM FAR TOO MUCH TO JUST GIVE UP ON HIM X

 

[Vicki83]

I know what you mean, sometimes it's easier talking to strangers than it is someone close to you.

In the long run if you both want it to work, you'll make sure it does.